


Superfriends: The Groupchat That Alex Specifically Ended Because Of Lena Flirting and Kara Being An Oblivious Moron

by StormiJ



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Group chat, chat, groupchat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2019-10-05 18:48:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 31,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17330453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormiJ/pseuds/StormiJ
Summary: The Group Chat That Consists Of:Disgusted older sister Alex DanversClassic Maggie Sawyer adviceLena Luthor being a sarcastic little shitKara being a coward topMore characters including Winn, James (for a short period of time), Lucy, Sam, Cat, Imra, Gayle, and VasquezSpecial Appearances by Clark Kent and Lois Lane as well as Eliza Danvers and J'onn J'onzzBasically, everyone in the group chat getting roasted or having an aneurysm at what everyone else says





	1. Are You Fucking Serious Kara?

**Author's Note:**

> I have 50 pages of this group chat sitting in my drive and I need to release it because I think it deserves to be shared with the world and also because I can't keep this to myself. I don't know, it makes me laugh :/ lmao

lildanvers has created the group Superfriends 

lildanvers has added llbean

lildanvers has added gaydanvers 

lildanvers has added maggic 

lildanvers has added thebestlane 

lildanvers has added winnsdom 

lildanvers: round two

gaydanvers: first of all kara why did u create another group chat knowing we nearly killed each other in the last one 

gaydanvers: and second of all why was I added after Lena

maggic: yeh why was Lena added first 

maggic: Alex is ur sister and I’m ur sister in law 

lildanvers: i was just adding everyone from last time 

lildanvers: it was random I swear

maggic: fake 

winnsdom: was it also random that you didn’t add James 

lildanvers: … 

thebestlane: ohhhh someone doesn’t like him anymore

thebestlane: wonder why

winnsdom has added jolsen

maggic: probably because of their shared massive crush on a certain CEO

llbean: Kara you like Cat Grant!!!?

lildanvers: what no?! 

thebestlane: woah woah woah she’s with me now 

maggic: sure she is and Alex is a top 

gaydanvers: hey you don’t need to hurt me to make a dig at Lucy 

maggic: sorry you know it was a good one tho babe 

gaydanvers: yeh i guess it was 

llbean: well then what CEO do you like?

llbean: god please tell me it’s not someone like Edge or Lord

lildanvers: eww Lena no I’m gay

llbean: ?

llbean: wow I uhh didn’t know that 

gaydanvers: Kara you didn’t tell anyone that! 

maggic: congrats on switching teams little Danvers 

lildanvers: was it not obvious?

gaydanvers: kara how did you think it was obvious 

maggic: eh babe it was kinda obvious considering she stares at Lena’s boobs all the time

lildanvers: what I do not!

llbean: yeh you kind of do Kara  


llbean: not that I mind or anything

gaydanvers: no uh uh stop that Lena

gaydanvers: no flirting in the group chat this time if it’s not intentional

llbean: why not? it’s fun getting Kara all flustered

maggic: in what way did she think that sentence was platonic?

maggic: one day you two will pull your heads out of your asses and finally get together

lildanvers: fuck off Maggie


	2. Everything Should Be Green, Unless You See Like Kara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one. First few are short. I started developing the chapters more as I wrote them.

llbean: i guess you could say anything green is your kryptonite

lildanvers: kale

llbean: you mean literally all the green vegetables Kara

lildanvers: pistachio ice cream

llbean: green food dye even though it DOESNT affect the taste at all

lildanvers: your eyes

llbean: literal kryptonite

llbean: wait what

lildanvers: …

llbean: … 

lildanvers: … 

llbean: … 

llbean: is there something you wish to tell me Kara

maggic: that was painful to witness 

gaydanvers: honestly kara will you just tell her already

lildanvers: tell her that she’s the bestest best friend ever?! 

thebestlane: oh god kara you are so oblivious 

gaydanvers: she really isn’t she’s just a coward 

maggic: woman up kara

maggic: that’s how I ended up with the loml 

gaydanvers: awh babe I’m the love of your life?

maggic: yeh now don’t get all sappy on me you know I hate that stuff 

gaydanvers: says the one who still blushes when I compliment her 

maggic: shut up Danvers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah I love Supercorp


	3. My Neck, My Back, Lick My... Ice Cream?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oof we're not quite there yet. And by there I mean Kara and Lena getting together. Don't worry ;) soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've combined two chat prompts so you guys could have more to read tonight. Like I said a lot of these are really short so I might release randomly

gaydanvers: audio message: 

AND WHEN U SMILE  
THE WHOLE WORLD STOPS AND  
STARES FOR AWHILE  
CUZ UR AMAZING  
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE 

gaydanvers: GUYS I STG

jolsen: ahhhhhh 

jolsen: what is happening 

llbean: yeh what’s up with her

gaydanvers: WELL LENA

gaydanvers: YOUR GIRL WONT STOP SINGING THE SONG OR TALKING ABOUT IT BC IT REMINDS HER OF YOU 

maggic: *cough* WhIpPEd 

lildanvers: ALEX WHY DID U DO THAT 

lildanvers: Lee no I just have it stuck in my head 

lildanvers: Not because of you 

lildanvers: Not that you don’t have a beautiful smile or anything 

lildanvers: cuz I mean it’s amazing and you’re very pretty but I don’t stare or anything pftt 

gaydanvers: ur more of a gay mess than I was 

maggic: and that’s saying something

winnsdom: Alex 

gaydanvers: yes WInsSloW

winnsdom: *sigh* I shall ignore the full name and just ask my question 

maggic: smart choice nerd 

winnsdom: why is ur name gaydanvers if you and Kara are both gay 

gaydanvers: that is a very great question my fellow DEO member, I will answer that because we all know that I came out first and therefore I get the title of gaydanvers. 

gaydanvers: she can stick with being lildanvers cuz that’s all she is

lildanvers: says the bottom 

gaydanvers: KSBIFKEB

gaydanvers: I APOLOGIZE FOR INSULTING YOU BUT OUCH DEEP CUT 

llbean: lol didn’t think Kara was a top

llbean: I can’t say that I’m not happy with my discovery tho 

llbean: 13/10 would bottom for Kara 

maggic: NHEKCJE LUTHOR MY PRECIOUS CHILD WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS

llbean: if she wasn’t going to make a move after the beginning of this convo I figured why not 

gaydanvers: lol she’s standing in shock in my kitchen, she’s stopped singing finally 

gaydanvers: wait jk now she’s singing a different song 

gaydanvers: starts with “my neck, my back…

winnsdom: NO STOP TOO MUCH 

gaydanvers: i kicked her out of my apt cuz she’s being gross 

gaydanvers: pretty sure she’s heading to you lena anyways 

llbean: oh god was not ready for this to escalate that fast

llbean: abort mission 

jolsen: haha she bout to get (redacted) by a god 

winnsdom: why did you say (redacted)

jolsen: figured you didn’t need the filth 

winnsdom: you right 

winnsdom: shows over 

two hours later

gaydanvers: you’re telling me

gaydanvers: that you two didn’t even fuck after our last convo

gaydanvers: and INSTEAD 

gaydanvers: you went to get ice cream because Kara after singing that song at my apartment

gaydanvers: reminded her that she wanted to lick something 

llbean: not gonna lie was slightly disappointed in the outcome but I got to spend time with my best friend so

winnsdom: “best friend”

maggic: it’s like these two don’t even read each other's messages about each other 

lildanvers: stop criticizing my life choices maggie

maggic: i’ll stop when you actually make some decent ones 

maggic: like getting with our girl Lena

lildanvers: suddenly I can’t read I don’t know

gaydanvers: you’re such a little shit Kara  


gaydanvers: oh and btw Lena we saw what you just did after saying bye to Kara on your little ice cream date

gaydanvers: video message 

gaydanvers: that’s gay lena 

gaydanvers has added samariass

samariass: gayyyy 

maggic: jfc is she blind to her actions or something? 

gaydanvers: lena that’s not platonically possible

llbean: listen there’s nothing wrong with me jumping up to wrap my legs around Kara when she hugs me

samariass: 

maggic: 

gaydanvers: 

lildanvers: guys she just does it cause she knows im strong and can pick her up

lildanvers: plus she’s short and I like her hugs and being close to her

samariass: i regret getting in on this group chat cuz those two are fucking stupid 

gaydanvers: we tried to warn you :/

samariass: well news flash

samariass: i needed more of a warning than Kara and Lena just flirting openly 

samariass: cuz they’re practically girlfriends already

llbean: sam we’re just close 

samariass: we’re close too Lena

llbean: your point?

samariass: i don’t see you giving me hugs like that

maggic: or me

gaydanvers: or me and im practically your sister in law

lildanvers: well maybe I’m just more special

gaydanvers: ha special

gaydanvers: the only special you are is especially oblivious

gaydanvers: but keep the act up

llbean: stop reading so far into things Alex

gaydanvers: never

gaydanvers: not when it comes to you two

lildanvers: sigh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to suggest any additions or subtractions I should make.


	4. A Side Of AgentCorp (But Not In The Way You Think)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena knows Kara is Supergirl obviously. Alex lets her know that she's okay yay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting another chapter in like three minutes lmao. This one's too short. I can't do that to you guys.

gaydanvers has created the group future-sis-in-law

gaydanvers has added llbean

gaydanvers: okay listen here dipshit

gaydanvers: she’s fine

gaydanvers: she’s at home

gaydanvers: and i’m giving you permission to visit her since she's sleeping and can't ask you

llbean: thanks for letting me know Alex

gaydanvers: i figured you had seen the news and wanted an update

llbean: i hope you’re implying I wanted an update because she’s my best friend and not because I’m going to be your future sister-in-law like the group chat name suggests 

gaydanvers: if that helps you sleep at night

llbean: i’ll see you tomorrow for game night

gaydanvers: sure thing lee lee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thoughts and notes welcome. You guys have made me smile and laugh with your comments since I started releasing these yesterday :)


	5. The Friendsgiving That Literally Almost Got Them There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I'm already tired of doing summaries... but basically this is a Thanksgiving fic with no mention of the holiday whatsoever besides the actual name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know youre all wondering why I'm doing a Thanksgiving fic in January but to be fair I wrote this like a year or two ago whoopsssss

lildanvers: Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

thebestlane: thanks Kara

winnsdom: you too Kara :)

jolsen: yay

samariass: i fucking love thanksgiving

maggic: can’t wait to see you for dinner later little danvers

gaydanvers: i bet you’re looking forward to seeing me even more

maggic: you’re not wrong babe

llbean: kara i think im just gonna skip out on dinner alright

lildanvers: no that’s crazy Lee

lildanvers: you should be with family on thanksgiving 

llbean: yeh kara let me just head down to the maximum security prisons where my brother and mother are being held

llbean: nbd

maggic: so dramatic Lena

lildanvers: you know you’re family 

lildanvers: you’re spending the holidays with us 

llbean: oh boy just what I wanted 

llbean: to spend the holidays with my crush 

thebestlane: who wants to bet that Kara’s going to ignore that 

gaydanvers: I

maggic: I

winnsdom: I

jolsen: cmon she cant just do that

samariass: oh but she will just wait 

lildanvers: alright so can’t wait to see you all tonight gotta blast

thebestlane: “gotta blast”

samariass: damn im getting blood clots from this 

\---

gaydanvers: little luthor why the fuck didn’t you tell anyone you could sing and play guitar 

samariass: and why didn’t you tell us BEFORE you flat out serenaded Kara 

maggic: with a fucking acoustic cover of Shallow nonetheless 

llbean: it was a spur of the moment decision

llbean: and I wasn’t serenading Kara 

thebestlane: well it sure looked like that until she joined in

thebestlane: who the fuck gave Lena the guitar anyways

brainalicious: that would be me

brainalicious: the percentage of Kara acknowledging her crush on Lena statistically would go higher if she did something just for her 

brainalicious: and with my calculations I figured out that the best way of going about this was giving Lena a guitar at the exact moment that they were the only ones in the kitchen

lildanvers: im sorry but how did you even get into this group chat brainy

brainalicious: i hacked into it of course

llbean: im not even surprised 

llbean: but how did you

brainalicious: know that you liked Kara?

llbean: …

brainalicious: i cant tell you in a way that doesn’t impact the future

gaydanvers: !!!

maggic: !!!

thebestlane: !!!

samariass: can you guys stop with the exclamation marks

lildanvers: anyways…

winnsdom: facepalm

lildanvers: why the hell is your name brainalicious

brainalicious: well according to my predictions

brainalicious: entering this group chat with the name brainalicious

brainalicious: gave me a higher chance of being liked since everyone here loves a song with the similar name 

samariass: ummm wrong Lena hates that song

brainalicious: she does not

samariass: yes she does

brainalicious: my analysis of Lena shows that she 100% knows all the lyrics to the song

samariass: LENA LUTHOR

llbean: no

samariass: ALL THIS TIME

samariass: YOU’VE LIED TO ME

samariass: YOU NEVER ONCE SANG A SINGLE WORD OF IT WHEN WE HAD OUR ROAD TRIPS

llbean: that’s because I don’t like singing in front of people

maggic: uh you just did like a few hours ago

llbean: invalid

samariass: i cant believe you

lildanvers: i just want to point out that I knew Lena could sing

samariass: im sorry HALT

lildanvers: we sing together all the time

samariass: what was that Kara I couldn’t hear you over my own disbelief

lildanvers: like we do duets and shit

lildanvers: she has a beautiful voice

lildanvers: gosh i could listen to it all day 

llbean: ill sing for you anytime you want Kar

lildanvers: this is why you’re my favorite 

thebestlane: god they’re so gay for each other

brainalicious: yes but they’re both around 90% scared to admit their feelings to each other for fear of rejection 

gaydanvers: well the only rejection Lena will be facing is my permission to marry Kara one day 

gaydanvers: oh wait that won’t happen unless they suck it up and fuck it up

gaydanvers: and by fuck it up i mean they’re friendship cuz its time that they bang 

maggic: loud and clear Danvers

maggic: loud and clear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that whole guitar thing, yeh I'm releasing a fic of that soon. Just gotta finish writing it :) Let me know if you think that's a good idea?


	6. Good Thing She Said She Topped Or She'd Be At Rock Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the little beans might finally get together :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I POSTED THE GUITAR AND SINGING FIC LIKE I MENTIONED EARLIER. PLEASE GO SHOW IT SOME LOVE

lildanvers has changed their name to topdanvers

topdanvers has changed gaydanvers to bottomdanvers

topdanvers: look Alex

topdanvers: now its easier to differentiate

thebestlane: wow big word for you Kara

topdanvers has changed thebestlane to theworstlane

topdanvers: fuck off worst Lane

theworstlane: i wish i could say that hurt

theworstlane: but that was just weak

bottomdanvers: kara i hate you

llbean: that’s kind of rude Kara

topdanvers: oh bite me Lena

llbean: where ;)

bottomdanvers: luthor im going to kill you

llbean: bottoming isn’t a bad thing Kara

llbean: you should try it some time

topdanvers: i most definitely will not and there is nothing you can do to change my mind

llbean: ill change your mind eventually

topdanvers: how? 

topdanvers: you gonna show me?

llbean: jeez take a girl on a date first would ya 

topdanvers: go on a date with me then

llbean: alright when

topdanvers: you free now?

llbean: ill be ready in fifteen

topdanvers: fine see you then

llbean: fine

\---

bottomdanvers: WHAT

samariass: THE

maggic: FUCK

theworstlane: GUYS?!?!?!?

theworstlane: is our joint dream finally coming true?!

topdanvers: this is your joint dream?

llbean: to see us go on a date? 

bottomdanvers: kara honey we live for you two

topdanvers: suddenly i have the urge to vomit

llbean: … im ready now Kara if you wanna fly on by 

topdanvers: actually ill be driving I don’t want to get my suit dirty

llbean: since when have you cared about getting your supergirl suit dirty

topdanvers: who said anything about my supergirl suit?

llbean: fuck im wet

topdanvers: my car will pull up to your apartment building in about five minutes

theworstlane: wow what a show

samariass: can’t wait for the results

winnsdom: we’ll be back after commercial break folks 

bottomdanvers has changed their name to gaydanvers

theworstlane has changed their name to thebestlane

gaydanvers has changed topdanvers to lildanvers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof i know you guys are gonna hate me for cliffhanging


	7. Okay Maybe We Fucked And I Hurt Her But At Least She Enjoyed It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... guys ive finally given you what you wanted ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lena and kara sitting in a... emergency room

gaydanvers: and that’s the tea

maggic: damn sis that was scalding 

samariass: too hot for my tastes

thebestlane: just how I like it

winnsdom: astounding

brainalicious: what tea is it that you’re all drinking? 

brainalicious: i would like to try one of earth’s finest beverages

samariass: is he stupid or something

gaydanvers: cut him a break he’s new to earth phrases

gaydanvers: the tea Brainy is that after Kara arriving at Lena’s apartment to pick Lena up for their date

gaydanvers: Lena must’ve been too turned on at the idea of Kara in a suit that she abandoned their date altogether 

gaydanvers: proceeded to do the do

gaydanvers: if you catch my drift 

gaydanvers: and missed their reservations 

gaydanvers: because I got a call from the restaurant from where I made the reservation for them 

gaydanvers: saying that they didn’t show up

gaydanvers: so im assuming that’s what went down

maggic: we’ll wait and see

___

gaydanvers: Kara 

gaydanvers: Lena 

gaydanvers: spill it 

lildanvers: we aren’t together yet

llbean: we’re still friends 

gaydanvers: sounds suspicious since you don’t even know what I’m accusing you two of 

maggic: agreed

thebestlane: we all know what you two did

winnsdom: but you think we don’t know 

jolsen: which only makes it funnier 

lildanvers: okay fine we did have sex on our first date and yes there were no red sun lamps to dull my powers and therefore I broke the headboard and snapped a piece of it off which landed on Lena and that is the real reason she broke her arm

llbean: yeh cuz you all know I’m very careful when I’m in the lab so fake when they say I broke my arm doing an experiment 

gaydanvers: KARA DANVERS AND LENA LUTHOR SO HELP ME GOD 

lildanvers: WHAT

llbean: YOU TOLD US TO SPILL SO WE DID 

gaydanvers: WE WERE ALL JOKING

maggic: WE WANTED TO SEE IF U WOULD TELL US ANYTHING BAD EVEN THO WE DIDNT KNOW THE REAL REASON YOU BROUGHT LENA TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM 

gaydanvers: at least it was for a sex injury and not because they bailed out on their feelings again

thebestlane: lol it’s funny cuz they came clean as soon as we even suggested something was up 

winnsdom: anything else you guys wanna sPilL

jolsen: was not expecting that shocking revelation

jolsen: damn need me a freak like that in bed 

thebestlane: id break ur arm without the bed :)

jolsen: damn luce still hating on ya boy 

thebestlane: ya aint my boy no more needy dumbass get over it 

jolsen: smh I still miss u tho 

maggic: lol James stfu she don’t care why u in this gc if u only here to bother ur ex about their relationship status and for a show

lildanvers: lol true 

llbean: agreeed 

thebestlane: what they said 

jolsen: damn all the hate I’ll just stay for the show then 

maggic: guess we’ll let you since it’s your only source of entertainment apparently 

maggic: maybe you oughta just get with our Winnie boy 

maggic: you call yourselves straights but I see the signs 

winnsdom: drop it maggie

jolsen: yeh save for another day

gaydanvers: we’ll reevaluate this later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> but at least they're together right... also this chapter is where i begin to write off james cuz i honestly don't like his character anymore


	8. Daddy Luthor... Daddy Danvers... Daddy Kink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some things are revealed... :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I DONT LIKE WRITING SUMMARIES SO LIKE AHHH JUST READ IT

llbean: god, I am so sick of my last name! Everyone I meet just always has these preconceptions of who I’m supposed to be because of the stupid Luthor

lildanvers: you can have mine

thebestlane: …

winnsdom: …

gaydanvers: …

jolsen: … 

maggic: really guys you’re all gonna type that 

maggic: … 

maggic: actually there’s no sarcastic comment in my brain 

maggic: no classic maggie sawyer advice to offer for this sitch

maggic: not even sure what this is 

llbean: if that was ur way of proposing I’m just gonna say yes 

gaydanvers: KARA DANVERS ARE U HIGH

lildanvers: the only high I am is high up in the sky

lildanvers: I know what I’m typing

jolsen: lol I can seee it now 

thebestlane: “LOWLY REPORTER PROPOSES TO CEO OF L-CORP WITH SIMPLE TEXT” 

jolsen: babe why’d you have to steal my headline 

thebestlane: first of all no we broke up months ago cuz I realized I wa gAY so don’t call me babe 

thebestlane: SECOND OF ALL, we were all thinking that same thing 

jolsen: the wounds are still fresh 

thebestlane: don’t care 

maggic: ANYWAYS 

maggic: congrats on possible engagement

maggic: don’t even know. 

winnsdom: who else is confused 

gaydanvers: LITERALLY EVERYONE WINNSLOW

gaydanvers: THEYVE BEEN DATING FOR LIKE FOUR DAYS 

llbean: we’re just kidding oml 

llbean: we set that up just wanted to see how you’d all react 

gaydanvers: and you had to put us through that!? 

gaydanvers: we all thought you were having a midlife crisis!!!!!

lildanvers: well I guess I’d be having a pretty good midlife crisis then 

lildanvers: don’t worry I’ll marry her soon 

llbean: lol first I’m hearing of this

llbean: WHIPPED 

lildanvers: shut up babe I don’t love you anymore 

maggic: lol you already told her you loved her 

maggic: u got it bad 

maggic: still don’t you think it’s a little early to be thinking about marriage

gaydanvers: babe I knew you were the one when I met you 

gaydanvers: i trust Kara’s instincts 

maggic: but how do we know she’s not gonna break our baby gay’s heart 

lildanvers: she won’t 

llbean: are you saying that because I’m a Luthor?

thebestlane: here we go again with the dramatic 

maggic: let it go Lena I’m just messing with you 

gaydanvers: well congrats on realizing your undying love for each other and finally not being fucking dipshits 

lildanvers: LANGUAGE 

llbean: honestly Kara I’ve heard you use worse in bed these last few days 

lildanvers: WHY ARE YOU GIVING UP MY SECRETS 

lildanvers: YOU REALLY ARE A LUTHOR

llbean: lol tryna act all innocent I know you tho 

lildanvers: you wanna play this game?

lildanvers: lena has a daddy kink. 

llbean: you are dead to me 

maggic: oh do you now daddy 

llbean: Kara we’re over 

lildanvers: ha yeh okay 

gaydanvers: maggie nO

maggic: sorry you know it just slips out Danvers 

gaydanvers: i know but this is my kid sister and little Luthor we’re talking about 

gaydanvers: only so much a girl can take in one day smh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY I KEEP GIVING U DUDES SHORT CHAPTESR BUT LIKE THIS IS WHAT IVE GOT JALEGJKLA


	9. Mon-El Made Us Gay, Now All Men Can Go Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im done writing summaries jakleagkj basically no one likes mon-el and i hate mentioning him so this is short i will post another chapter in like two hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ntoes notes ntoes ntoea

lildanvers: honestly guys I just want to punt him into the fucking sun 

thebestlane: still not getting the hint huh?

lildanvers: not At ALL 

gaydanvers: legit watching him right now talking to Imra and Kara but they’re both on their phones not paying attention

lildanvers: well yeh that’s cuz he’s being a jackass 

maggic: why what’s he saying 

lildanvers: idk me and imra tuned him out awhile ago

lildanvers: we’ve just been texting each other

lildanvers: I got tea but it’s better when she explains it 

llbean: then add her to the gc babe

llbean: she’s just as dramatic as me 

lildanvers has added saturnup

winnsdom: lol clever 

winnsdom: turn up 

saturnup: so Kara has informed me that you want me to tell you all “the tea” 

saturnup: very weird earth phrase but I know what you mean now 

jolsen: lol who cares spill 

saturnup: as you all know Kara has no interest in mon el and is currently with Lena 

saturnup: so mon el realizes this and decides to come running back to me 

saturnup: even now he keeps saying “Kara look at my wife isn’t she beautiful” “you’re missing out on all this” 

saturnup: like being a straight up pig right in front of us 

saturnup: doesn’t even know we’re disgusted 

thebestlane: go on 

saturnup: anyways 

saturnup: I’m leaving him for Psi

maggic: PLOT FUCKING TWIST

gaydanvers: DAMN U GOT MY FULL SUPPORT 

llbean: TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM ABSOLUTE GARBAGE TO HIGH QUALITY SHIT

lildanvers: basically me and imra just text about our hate for this man now and the fact that he made us realize how gay we were and what we ever saw in him 

saturnup: fun times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter like today :) today for me anyways


	10. Serving Sizes Don't Exist and Lena Can't Punish Kara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no summary its short i just wrote this like five minutes ago so you guys would have something more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i just had a bag of chips and the idea just came up

gaydanvers: Kara thats a whole bag of chips

lildanvers: conclusion

lildanvers: serving size: for 1

maggic: wrong

lildanvers: serving size: one bag

thebestlane: that is literally a family size bag

llbean: no kara thats still not how serving sizes work

lildanvers: you can’t tell me what to do

llbean: excuse me?

lildanvers: uhh i mean

llbean: yes, kara. what did you mean?

lildanvers: she’s using whole sentences 

lildanvers: and proper grammar 

lildanvers: im fucked

gaydanvers: hey keep it vanilla here please

llbean: no can do. 

llbean: someone needs to be punished.

lildanvers: oh rao

gaydanvers: leNa nO

llbean: listen danvers its not my fault your sister doesn’t know who shes talking to

gaydanvers: luthor shut the fuck up or you deadass will not ever get my permission to marry her

llbean: well ill just ask Eliza instead

llbean: she loves me

gaydanvers: do you think she’ll still love you if i show her this group chat

llbean: kara your sisters being mean to me

maggic: haha shes reverted back to whiny bottom

maggic: you’re safe now kara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so conclusion.... serving sizes aren't real. who agrees?


	11. Oh Her Eyes... Shut The Fuck Up Kara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena is sick of Kara (not really) and Winn fucks up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im still writing james off

lildanvers: OH HER EYES HER EYES MAKE THE STARS LOOK LIKE THEYRE NOT SHINING 

maggic: Lol she’s back on her bullshit 

thebestlane: #stillwhipped 

lildanvers: well I’m a woman in love and want everyone to know it! 

llbean: Kar as much as I love you 

llbean: and you know I love you a lot 

lildanvers: I do

llbean: kindly 

llbean: SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

winnsdom: ooh ya girl sick of the song 

gaydanvers: how’s that feel Kara 

lildanvers: that was like a kryptonite stake to the heart Lee 

llbean: sorry but I can’t listen to you sing that and text it and mention it every time you see or think about my eyes 

llbean: its been a week already

lildanvers: fine no more compliments for you miss Luthor 

llbean: sigh 

llbean: and I thought i was the dramatic one

maggic: you are

thebestlane: still you

gaydanvers: yeh u and Kara are perfect for each other for that exact reason 

jolsen: you both totally overreact to things it’s hilarious 

winnsdom: rt my man 

winnsdom: oh i didn’t mean it like my man in that way I just meant 

winnsdom: like some guys say that 

winnsdom: I’m going to stop talking now

maggic: good idea winnsworth 

jolsen: well ill take it either way

thebestlane: ooh the ex is finally moving on

jolsen: shut up Lucy 

thebestlane: you know I can’t 

winnsdom: I’m gonna go look at my collection of dirt now k bye 

gaydanvers: awh you scared poor Winniekins off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honesly i just want this to be an all girls gc at this point but idek i lvoe winn and brainy and who am i kidding


	12. Shit Is Going Down... And So Is Kara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has had enough of Lena's comments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> combined two of my prompts into one

lildanvers: lena PLEASE let me come and see you 

llbean: no Kara you know I have work to do

maggic: yeh Kara listen to your boss 

lildanvers: my hours are 9-5 maggie 

lildanvers: so she isn’t my boss right now 

gaydanvers: not how that works but okay 

lildanvers: LENA 

llbean: ask one more time and I’m extending my trip to an extra day 

winnsdom: Kara straight up just gasped and her eyes are filling with tears 

jolsen: yes she’s like actually on the verge of an emotional breakdown

llbean: fine Kara 

winnsdom: uh oh she’s already gone

jolsen: still recovering from that whoosh 

llbean: you can c

maggic: high key wHiPPed 

gaydanvers: weak Kara 

gaydanvers: wait 

gaydanvers: little Luthor you good 

maggic: yeh you always finish ur sentences 

llbean: well Alex 

llbean: to answer your question

llbean: i was just lying on my bed going over my speech 

llbean: when your darling sister came flying into my room 

llbean: literally 

gaydanvers: continue 

llbean: and immediately wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my chest

llbean: which is now covered in tears and snot 

llbean: so no I am not good 

winnsdom: told you we weren’t kidding 

\---

maggic: uhhh Guys you there 

maggic: and by guys I mean our littles 

jolsen: lol no response 

maggic: LITTLE LUTHOR AND LITTLE DANVERS 

maggic: WE JUST NEED TO KNOW IF YOU BOTH ARE OKAY 

lildanvers: omg chill maggie we good 

gaydanvers: “we good”

gaydanvers: seriously Kara we were so worried 

llbean: well she did bawl her eyes out for the first hour all while mumbling about how my business trip affected her and what not 

lildanvers: but I’m good now so that’s all that matters

thebestlane: wait so what happened the other two hours 

llbean: cannot share that information major lane 

lildanvers: especially since my sister is in this gc

gaydanvers: EWW KARA THANKS FOR MAKING IT KNOWN EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE UP TO 

maggic: well in all fairness babe she didn’t actually say anything

thebestlane: we all knew what was implied 

winnsdom: ^

jolsen: ^

llbean: ^

gaydanvers: dont join in on their antics Lena 

llbean: sorry it’s just fun messing with you Alex 

gaydanvers: well Winnslow knows exactly what I can do with just my index finger so I’d watch it 

llbean: your sister has a nice index finger too 

maggic: Alex just screamed 

maggic: she also threw her phone

maggic: she’s cursing 

maggic: she’s saying that you’re lucky you’re not in national city right now

maggic: but she also said she could have J’onn fly her to Metropolis to your exact hotel room in about ten seconds 

llbean: tell her I’m sorry but when opportunity strikes 

gaydanvers: that’s not the only thing that’s about to strike

llbean: is that a threat or a promise?

llbean: because every attempt on my life has been unsuccessful and I know how much you hate losing 

gaydanvers: well I already lost my shit because you don’t know how to keep your mouth shut about your sex life

llbean: you and Maggie have your moments too 

gaydanvers: BUT WE DONT TALK ABOUT KINKY STUFF LIKE BEING TIED UP

llbean: no no no

llbean: i don’t like being tied up

llbean: your sister on the other hand…

gaydanvers: that’s it 

gaydanvers: i will no longer acknowledge you as my sisters girlfriend

gaydanvers: just as you, Luthor 

llbean: awh somehow you think that hurts 

llbean: how cute

gaydanvers: KARA WHY IS SHE LIKE THIS 

gaydanvers: WHY DID U HAVE TO PICK SOMEONE WHO SAYS THESE KINDS OF THINGS

gaydanvers: KARA

maggic: lol where is she

thebestlane: I know she’s been oddly quiet during this whole exchange 

jolsen: yeh she’s totally missing everything that’s going down

llbean: speaking of going down lol 

llbean: i think that’s what Kara’s doing right now

llbean: but I could be wrong 

llbean: just kidding she totally is 

llbean: on me

llbean: right now 

thebestlane: Luthor how are you even able to still text

llbean: it’s quite the task but it gets Kara worked up cuz when she thinks I’m not paying attention she tries harder 

llbean: and that just makes it better

maggic: hide Luthor 

maggic: im not even joking 

maggic: J’onn took one look at Alex’s face and he immediately complied with her command

maggic: which was to fly her to you

maggic: this is not a shovel talk that’s about to happen

maggic: she would more likely hit you with an actual shovel 

maggic: k bye I tried to warn you but the tracker says she’s almost there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone has groupchat ideas let me know because ive actually only got like twenty pages left of this fic and if i cant come up with ideas then itll be awhile before i update


	13. Lena Is A Bottom Although She May Be On Top Literally and Figuratively

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is still slipping into a coma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i love my precious bottom cinnamon roll lena luthor

llbean: i Lena Luthor will hereby refrain from making any sexual comments or innuendos or refer to sexual acts of any kind from here on out while Alex Danvers, Director of the DEO and badass mofo, is present in the gc. should I do so I must spend the day locked in a lead-lined kryptonite room at the DEO without the ability to contact Kara or communicate with her in any way, shape or form. I also must purchase Alex Danvers, Director of the DEO and badass mofo, a Ducati and ride around with her on it all day and do as she says. Failure to complete these tasks will result in a very painful experience that I do not know of but am very terrified. that is all. 

llbean: was that satisfactory Danvers?

gaydanver: thin fucking ice Luthor

gaydanvers: you’re on top of thin fucking ice 

llbean: no?

llbean: I’m on top of Kara right now 

gaydanvers: LENA LUTHOR 

thebestlane: damn if I wasn’t dating Cat I would hop on that Luthor train so fast 

thebestlane: you and Kara wanna give me and kitty a ride? ;)

gaydanvers: kebhidjwbwjkz

maggic: im Sorry 

maggic: but 

maggic: are you talking about Cat Grant

thebestlane: yup

maggic: as in THE Cat Grant

thebestlane: the one and only

maggic: damn Little Lane has game if she can manage to pick up a powerful woman like that 

maggic: 15/10 impressed 

maggic: sorry i didnt believe you the first time you mentioned it

llbean: hey luce 

thebestlane: yes Lee bee 

llbean: Kara said she’d be down for ur little suggestion 

thebestlane: can we come up to your room now? we’re actually staying at the same hotel you are. wasn’t supposed to tell anyone since cat wants our relationship hidden but she said it’s fine in this case ;)

llbean: not a problem. we’re already ready if you know what I mean 

maggic: lol I have to buy Alex a new phone 

maggic: you guys broke her 

thebestlane: sorry we will refrain from sexual comments from here on out

llbean: especially since we’ll be busy “doing” things 

maggic: somehow I don’t believe you 

llbean: ;) 

maggic: oh lord Lena you will be the death of me

llbean: I hope you mean in a good way detective 

maggic: no I mean Alex is going to kill me for what I’m about to say but I have to say it bc I have no filter and it’s classic maggie sawyer 

maggic: if I was not so in love with Alex I would totally hop on your train too cuz this convo has me shuddering 

maggic: Alex will deny it but she has a major crush on Lane and if your sister wasn’t involved she’d be on the train too 

llbean: good to hear Sawyer

llbean: tell Alex i can let you and her borrow Lucy and Cat after we’re done 

maggic: she’s angry and aroused 

maggic: it’s super cute and hilarious 

llbean: well let me know 

llbean: otherwise Kara and I have to attend to the knocking at our hotel room door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i didn't feel like this was one of my strongest chapters so im sorryyyyyy


	14. Scissoring Is Not Arts And Crafts Kara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena being little shits like always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is a long one but this one is still just as good

lildanvers: hey Alex where did you leave the chocolate syrup when you were here earlier

llbean: kara worry about that another time

gaydanvers: the first cabinet

gaydanvers: wait what’re you guys doing up so late?

winnsdom: yeh I thought Lena said she was going to sleep bc she got back from her work trip so late 

lildanvers: well we’re doing arts and crafts 

thebestlane: Kara aren’t you a little old to be doing stuff like that

lildanvers: nope we’re just doing the adult version

maggic: what does that even mean?

llbean: we’re only scissoring 

saturnup: lmao glad I chose this moment to come back

winnsdom: no no no not meant for my ears

jolsen: Winn just accept it at this point 

maggic: hebiskwnek

gaydanvers: NO LENA WE TALKED ABOUT THE COMMENTS

thebestlane: lol everyone in this gc is having a collective aneurysm 

thebestlane: but I love it

thebestlane: thanks for the sesh last night Lee bee 

llbean: as always lucy goosey 

maggic: wait a second 

thebestlane: yes detective 

maggic: “as always”

gaydanvers: sounds awfully familiar 

llbean: we went to MIT together 

llbean: I can say we had some pretty 

llbean: vigorous

llbean: study sessions 

thebestlane: take from that what you will 

llbean: or don’t idc 

gaydanvers: who do you think you are 

llbean: im Lena fucking Luthor

lildanvers: im fucking Lena Luthor 

gaydanvers: LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE 

gaydanvers: KARA DANVERS HAS GONE OVER TO THE DARK SIDE BECAUSE OF YOU

gaydanvers: THERE WAS A TIME WHEN THE WORST THING SHE SAID WAS FRICKLE FRACKLE

lildanvers: well Alex I’ll have you know I’m a changed woman because of Lena 

lildanvers: so deal

llbean: I’ve never been prouder babe 

llbean: k we’ve got to get back to our arts and crafts now 

maggic: they’re still going with the arts and crafts line?

maggic: you guys really crack me up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> traumatized alex forever


	15. Oh Whoops, Did I Remove James? Silly Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bye guardian. u can fuck off now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha u guys are gonna love the next chapter, sorry for the cliffhangerrrrrrrrrrr

lildanvers: nothing I eat is satisfying enough ugh :/

llbean: i would say you can eat me but Alex would probably be at L-Corp in about five seconds 

maggic: but you did just say that? 

thebestlane: ineffective 

llbean: it wasn’t direct tho so it doesn’t count 

gaydanvers: you sure Lena? 

gaydanvers: you don’t want to rethink what you said? 

llbean: sorry for trying to find a loophole 

llbean: statement rethought 

llbean: sorry Kara guess you won’t be eating good tonight 

maggic: my girlfriend is slipping into a coma 

llbean: not my fault she reads too far into my comments 

gaydanvers: YOUR COMMENTS HAVE NO DEPTH

llbean: they have more depth than Kara’s pussy 

gaydanvers: fuck off 

llbean: fuck on 

gaydanvers: smh I’m never going to get to you am I?

llbean: nope you’re just going to have to learn to tolerate me

llbean: love you future sis in law 

llbean: that Ducati is set to be delivered to you tomorrow around noon <3

gaydanvers: hmph 

maggic: she’s pouting 

lildanvers: wow you’re buying my sister stuff :(

llbean: oh calm down Kara I’ve nearly made a dent in my bank account because of you 

llbean: she’s only with me cuz I can buy her a shit ton of food 

lildanvers: what that is not true whatsoever 

lildanvers: ...

lildanvers: I’m with you cuz you got those bombass titties

llbean: I do have bombass titties 

thebestlane: I second that 

saturnup: third 

jolsen: ^^

thebestlane: no James 

winnsdom: buddy why did you do that 

lildanvers: fucking say that about my girl again James and I’ll hurl you into the sun 

jolsen: everyone else was saying it though

lildanvers: i like everyone else 

lildanvers: they didn’t sleep with my girlfriend 

jolsen: you and Lena and Cat and Lucy literally just had a foursome!

jolsen: AND Lucy seconded it! 

lildanvers: invalid 

winnsdom: just let it go buddy 

samariass: can we remove him?

maggic: i physically can’t stand to listen to James’s side of conversations anymore 

saturnup: I wanna kick him out 

thebestlane: seconded 

gaydanvers: thirded 

lildanvers: what they said 

llbean: agreed 

winnsdom: hey cmon guys don’t be hating on James 

winnsdom: hes still hurting from his second breakup from Lucy 

lildanvers: you wanna join him?

winnsdom: bye buddy have fun finding other entertainment love ya 

gaydanvers: “love ya”

maggic: ha couldn’t even spell out you 

saturnup has removed jolsen

thebestlane: classic

gaydanvers: who wants to go out and celebrate?

llbean: can’t. too many companies to run. no drinking for me. 

lildanvers: lightweight

llbean: oh babe if you weren’t an alien I would drink you under the table

lildanvers: yeh ok

llbean: oh you don’t believe me?

lildanvers: Lena there’s just no way

llbean: hey Alex

gaydanvers: yes little Luthor 

llbean: where are the red sunlamps? 

gaydanvers: and why should I tell you when I know you probably want to down shots with Kara until you can’t anymore? 

llbean: agent Danvers tell me you don’t want to witness your sister get drunk off her ass and lose to me 

maggic: well I got $100 on Lena 

gaydanvers: I think Kara can beat her so $150 on Kara 

maggic: hmmm may the best win

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys if u wanna drop some ideas im almost out of groupchat pages, dont worry im not ending this anytime soon


	16. I Want To Crush You Kara (In A Good Way)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drunk lena and sober kara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this is so short but the last chapter was kinda long so its a trade off

llbean: tht waz a mjstske but I fcuking toldddddd u

lildanvers: fuck you lee I almost won 

maggic: no Kara you really didn’t 

gaydanvers: yeh it was absolutely painful to watch you lose 

thebestlane: you were gone a few shots in

winnsdom: wow I missed this 

winnsdom: probably because I’ve actually been working unlike the rest of you

maggic: sure winnie

maggic: we saw your name pop up on the livestream of Lena absolutely crushing Kara 

winnsdom: ...

winnsdom: well maybe I wasn’t working so much as just being at work 

llbean: hey karrrra 

lildanvers: ?

llbean: can I crsuh u agian later but yknow in a dffrent way ;)

lildanvers: you’re literally lying right next to me 

llbean: oh 

lildanvers: she just turned around looked at me skeptically and then turned right back around 

gaydanvers: well she’s probably trying to comprehend how you’re so sober and she’s super drunk. she doesn’t exactly have yellow sunlamps to help her… 

llbean: superdrunk is my nwe superhreo name

maggic: hate to break it to you but you never had a superhero name in the first place 

llbean: oh thne why do I hve a cape wrapped aruond me 

thebestlane: bc when ur drunk u become somewhat of an exhibitionest and Kara had to save your modesty 

maggic: well what was left of it anyways 

gaydanvers: ya gave everyone a view Luthor 

thebestlane: luckily the livestream was off by then 

lildanvers: okay well I think that’s enough chatting for now

lildanvers: my girl has started getting handsy and more confused 

gaydanvers: we did not need that information

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wont update this one for a few days now


	17. Why Else Would Be Asking For Red Sun Lamps?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> poor alex as usual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this ones a bit short

lildanvers: ...hey Alex 

gaydanvers: yes Kara 

lildanvers: damn I can hear your annoyed voice through the text 

gaydanvers: well I’m fucking tired from repairing the massive hole you left in the wall at the DEO this morning 

gaydanvers: so what do you want 

lildanvers: geez

lildanvers: lena….

llbean: i need to borrow the red sun lamps from the DEO and legally I was told I have to let you know 

gaydanvers: and what is the purpose of these lamps? reign has been long gone so we dont need to subdue her

gaydanvers: so spit it out

lildanvers: it’s best if we don’t explain

gaydanvers: Kara you know how this goes

gaydanvers: I need to put down the reason that Lena would be needing something from us

gaydanvers: so Lena 

gaydanvers: why are you needing it?

llbean: s e x purposes 

maggic: saw that one coming from a mile away

gaydanvers: jfjeidhwb

samariass: lmao well i for one wasn’t expecting that answer

samariass: golden tho

thebestlane: awh is Kara getting tired of topping 

thebestlane: or is Lena just power hungry 

llbean: no she just wants to feel things and be able to be marked 

llbean: also yes I want to be in control sometimes 

llbean: kinda hard when you sleep with the girl of steel ngl

gaydanvers: aneurysms 

gaydanvers: that’s what you guys give me 

gaydanvers: can’t believe I have to draw up a contract for this 

gaydanvers: please don’t ever bring up stuff like this again 

llbean: thankssssss Alex 

gaydanvers: yeh yeh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u all enjoyed that little bit


	18. Whipped For Lena's Kale Eating Ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hate summaries. none of you are getting one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next to chapters are short and then after that im adding six to eight more people from sg

maggic: i know!!!! kale is so good. all those vegan options you had at the last game night were to die for

llbean: i try to please all my guests 

llbean: even one who 

llbean: ARRESTED ME

llbean: it’s fine I’m over it 

maggic: drama QUEEN 

maggic: anyways plz have more vegan stuff next time

llbean: I’ll do everything vegan for you next time if it means you don’t arrest me again 

gaydanvers: you forgetting my kid sister there Luthor?

lildanvers: Hush Alex it’s fine I’ll eat whatever 

llbean: but darling, you have an aversion to all the vegan things

lildanvers: i know but you love them and I love you so I will love them for you

maggic: wHiPPed 

winnsdom: ^^^

samariass: ha facts 

gaydanvers: why are you like this 

lildanvers: sorry for actually still being able to be romantic and not have a stick up my ass all the time 

maggic: don’t worry I loosen her up pretty much every day 

gaydanvers: awh babe coming to my defense <3 

gaydanvers: real love right there folks 

lildanvers: can it maggie I did not need to hear that 

maggic: oh plz ur a filthy top 

maggic: that facade you got going on ain’t fooling anyone 

llbean: lmao trueeee that’s my girl not even gonna defend you Kara cuz she’s 100% right 

llbean: you dirty 

lildanvers: and I’m not the least bit ashamed cuz u love it 

winnsdom: all this shit is not meant for my ears

samariass: still what a show 

winnsdom: indeed indeed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does anyone even like kale? no? no.


	19. Are You From Space Cuz That Ass Is... Don't Finish It Kara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara steals Lena's pants. All of them. What else can I say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay im actually releasing a bunch tonight bc i just wrote a funny one and i wanna share it and not laugh alone like an absolute weirdo

llbean: kara where the fuck are all my pants

gaydanvers: kara what the hell lmao

samariass: confused

lildanvers: sorry

llbean: sorry? what do you mean sorry?

lildanvers: i mean sorry for taking your pants

llbean: kara

llbean: seriously 

lildanvers: what?

llbean: Where Are They

lildanvers: oh i hid them

llbean: why on earth would you do that?!

lildanvers: cuz its the weekend and i dont want you wearing pants

lildanver: pretty logical idk why ur asking

llbean: can u quit being a little shit and give me some pants 

lildanvers: ill take ur shirts next if u keep complaining

llbean: kara why did u take them in the first place 

llbean: my legs are fucking cold

lildanvers: i can warm them up for u pretty fast

llbean: …

maggic: kara ur girl is getting mad if u hadnt noticed

lildanvers: hush Margarie

maggic: oh hurt me deeper kara 

lildanvers: anyways lena 

lildanvers: if u want the truth

llbean: literally what ive been asking for this entire time

llbean: but continue

lildanvers: dat ass just too good

thebestlane: oh come on kara 

gaydanvers: why are u this person

llbean: ^ real question is why is she my girlfriend

lildanvers: you could never break up with me

llbean: don’t use my weakness’ against me kara 

lildanvers: awh im ur kryptonite

llbean: and kryptonite is ur actual kryptonite 

lildanvers: fuck off lee

llbean: oh ill go do that now since ive got nothing to keep myself warm

samariass: lena no 

lildanvers: alright guys gotta go take care of something

maggic: why is she like this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay adios hoes


	20. I Don't Care If You're Cat Grant, I Only Bottom For Lena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara adds more people. 
> 
> It's a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you get three chapters tonight. which also means im never updating again :)
> 
> nah im just fucking with you dudes
> 
> gimme a few days to pull this group chat out my ass i dont know what im writing half the time

lildanvers has added vdaddy

lildanvers has added kittyg

lildanvers has added doublen

lildanvers has added psichic

lildanvers: welcome vasquez and Cat and nia and psi

samariass: why did u only capitalize cat’s name

lildanvers: because she’s Cat Grant

kittyg: thank you Kara

vdaddy: you hurt me little lesbian

psichic: well i couldnt care less about this group chat

saturnup: baby we talked about this

psichic: sorry

psichic: what i meant to say

psichic: was that im SUPER excited to be here

lildanvers: i dont like ur pun

psichic: and i dont like u

psichic: yet here i am

lildanvers: imra i hope you know im only doing this for u

saturnup: she’s just a little tired is all

saturnup: she’s not usually like this  


psichic: babe im always like this 

winnsdom: yknow i wish i wasn’t the only guy in the groupchat

brainalicious: winn

winnsdom: hey you’re never here!

winnsdom: speaking of… why have you appeared now?

brainalicious: i saw that nia was added and wished to welcome her

brainalicious: welcome nia

doublen: you know there were other people added in the groupchat as well

gaydanvers: brainy do you just ignore the talks i give you 

brainalicious: no director danvers i do not

brainalicious: i do however store said talks mentally in little boxes and push them down

brainalicious: like lena taught me 

gaydanvers: luthor

llbean: oh hi alex funny seeing you here

gaydanvers: 1) stop giving brainy advice that counteracts my advice and 2) please dont shove anything else into the little boxes in your brain

gaydanvers: i care too much about your mental health

llbean: wow i didnt know you did 

llbean: you usually say pretty threatening things to me

gaydanvers: thats cuz you didnt pull your head out of your ass for a few years! I nearly came down to l corp a few times to blast you with my stun gun  


llbean: i could show my security guards that text and you wouldn’t even be allowed in this building again

gaydanvers: well i dont ever want to go to l corp anymore bc i know you and kara have sex in your office like once a day

lildanvers: once a day? that’s a made up statistic

gaydanvers: do not tell me the real number

lildanvers: its more like once every hour

gaydanvers: does anyone ever listen to me?

maggic: i do babe

gaydanvers: suck up

maggic: ass

gaydanvers: im just kidding i love you mags 

maggic: too late

gaydanvers: let me come make it up to you

maggic: fifteen minutes

maggic: if you’re not at the precinct by then

maggic: you get nothing for the night

gaydanvers: shit 

gaydanvers: kara make sure nothing goes wrong at the DEO

lildanvers: im not there 

lildanvers: leave brainy in charge

gaydanvers: …

gaydanvers: Winn

winnsdom: go enjoy your sex director

gaydanvers: thanks winng man lmao 

winnsdom: sigh 

brainlacious: i thought i was in charge

daddyv: as if

daddyv: that was only karas lame suggestion 

daddyv: winn and i have got it covered

winnsdom: you’re literally just staring at pictures of motorcycles on ur computer

daddyv: ive got to look forward to riding something in my future winn

samariass: dont act like such a bottom vasquez

samariass: we know youd be the one getting the riding

daddyv: are you offering?

samariass: please you coudln’t get me to bottom if you tried

daddyv: kara could get you to bottom

samariass: she could get anyone to bottom

llbean: …

llbean: even tho i hate you talking about my kryptonian like this 

llbean: youre absolutely right

kittyg: i would most certainly not bottom for kara

lildanvers: hey remember when we had that foursome cat…

kittyg: kiera

thebestlane: haha shes gonna kill u kara

lildanvers: you most certainly were not on top then 

lildanvers: and if lucy and lena hadn’t been there

lildanvers: you wouldn’t have topped either

llbean: tell her babe

thebestlane: at least i bottom for u kitty

thebestlane: isnt that enough

kittyg: no i want kara to say she would bottom for me

lildanvers: not. gonna. happen. 

llbean: kara would u bottom for meee for the rest of our sex life if I asked you to

lildanvers: absolutely

lildanvers: no question 

thebestlane: cat’s mad now

lildanvers: not my problem

thebestlane: now im getting punished bc of you guys

lildanvers: ooh kinky  


samariass: kara i dont understand how half the time you are like a child and the other half youre a force to be reckoned with

lildanvers: i live a double life

lildanvers: sometimes its hard to know who i am

lildanvers: im always Lena’s though

llbean: i love you babe

lildanvers: i love you more

psichic: disgusting


	21. Kara The Kinky Kryptonian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is on their game today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest groupchat chapter ive ever written and i honeslty dont remember writing this last night bc i was so sleep deprived but when i woke up it was over 1000 words and it was hilarious soooo ur welcome

lildanvers: what is everyone’s opinion on ice?

gaydanvers: what does that have to do with anything we’ve been talking about?

lildanvers: okay let me be more clear

lildanvers: ice in the bedroom

samariass: my ability to see one of Kara’s sexual comments coming has improved

daddyv: you really just expect them from her at this point

thebestlane: cat doesn’t let me bring anything into the bedroom

thebestlane: she chooses everything herself

lildanvers: dang tight leash

kittyg: you don’t keep the luthor heiress at your feet?

lildanvers: i mean she usually kneels there a lot but not in the way you’re implying

gaydanvers: gross kara

maggic: please stop scarring alex

maggic: im the one that has to deal with the repercussions

lildanvers: over the years ive developed no filter

lildanvers: i dont know why you all expect better 

daddyv: okay timeout which one of you fuckwads took my box of sex toys

lildanvers: what makes you think one of us did it

daddyv: i dont know kara maybe the fact that you were ALL just at my house

llbean: it was game night

samariass: yeh not ‘lets see who can raid the kinky closet’

daddyv: wrong-o

daddyv: one of you did it

lildanvers has removed daddyv 

lildanvers: you guys better not snitch on me

gaydanvers: we’ve got your back

maggic: yeh dont worry kara

lildanvers has added daddyv

daddyv: so which one of you hoes was it

gaydanvers: it was kara

maggic: she has superspeed after all

lildanvers: are you serious

lildanvers: my own sister and sister-in-law

lildanvers: ur dead to me

gaydanvers: she was gonna find out eventually

maggic: yeh we didnt want you to feel guilty 

lildanvers: lena tell them i dont feel guilty at all

lildanvers: tell them i only feel betrayed 

llbean: you guys

maggic: yeh yeh we heard luthor

gaydanvers: dont be so childish kara 

gaydanvers: talk to us 

llbean: speaking on karas behalf she says no

lildanvers: awh you know me so well babe

daddyv: kara!

lildanvers: hey girl ;)

daddyv: dont hey girl me 

lildanvers: well did u need something cuz im kinda busy

daddyv: busy doing what

lildanvers: rifling through a box labeled “daddy’s sex toys”

lildanvers: i wonder who it could belong to

psichic: is she serious

lildanvers: im always serious 

saturnup: kara what was the point of stealing her stuff

lildanvers: idk she seems pretty worked up about it tho

lildanvers: kinda just wanted to get even with her

daddyv: what are you getting even with me for?!!

lildanvers: you took a bite of the donut i left on the table in the middle of the DEO 

daddyv: how was i supposed to know that it was yours?!

lildanvers: 1) it was a limited edition supergirl donut so that should’ve been a hint

lildanvers: 2) no one else eats sugar at the DEO because they’ve got sticks up their asses

thebestlane: false information but continue

lildanvers: 3) and what kind of heathen are you anyway for going around and eating people’s donuts

daddyv: what kind of heathen are you for stealing my shit?!

lildanvers: well you shouldve asked me to have a bite of my donut in the first place 

gaydanvers: kara you wouldnt have shared in the first place

lildanvers: shut up alex im still not talking to you

daddyv: whatever kara im sorry so give me my shit back

lildanvers: i do not accept ur apology

daddyv: well then what can i do for you to forgive me and get my stuff back

lildanvers: let me have the big purple thing in here

daddyv: you can say dildo kara its not a bad word

daddyv: for a lesbian you can be so weird sometimes

lildanvers: actually winn doesn’t like that word so i dont use it around him

winnsdom: its true 

winnsdom: please refrain

maggic: whats the traumatizing memory behind that one winnsicle

winnsdom: i am not sharing that with you

brainalicious: according to my analysis of Winnslow Schoot

gaydanvers: lmao he said schoot

gaydanvers: dwight schrute looking ass

winnsdom: please stop alex

winnsdom: and dont finish that sentence brainy

thebestlane: i love The Office references

lildanvers: not as much as lena

llbean: what the fuck kara why are u telling ppl that

lildanvers: its her secret guilty pleasure

llbean: keep it up kara

llbean: and soon i wont pleasure you anymore

samariass: thats what she said

kittyg: that was weak samantha 

samariass: fuck off 

samariass: shit i didn’t mean to tell you to fuck off Cat

samariass: it just came out

kittyg: you better watch yourself Miss Arias

samariass: yes Miss Grant

gaydanvers: so kara what was this earlier about ice

gaydanvers: i regretfully wanna know if Lena isn’t letting you use it

lildanvers: lena lets me do anything

llbean: thats true

llbean: but kara 

llbean: question

lildanvers: told u guys^ (dwight is her fav character)

llbean: shut up and let me ask

lildanvers: okay fine ask away

llbean: why would u want vasquez’s used dildo when i could buy you any toy u want

lildanvers: bc im filthy 

daddyv: oh my gosh kara

lildanvers: im kidding i just want to inconvenience her

daddyv: well in that case no you cant have it

lildanvers: alright fine ill just heat vision the whole box

daddyv: damn ur annoying

lildanvers: im kidding its already been back in your closet

daddyv: when and how did u get into my apartment

lildanvers: doesn’t concern you 

daddyv: it does if i have to change my locks

lildanvers: like that would keep me out

daddyv: how about i just buy you a bunch of donuts for breakfast tomorrow alright?

lildanvers: fine then you are forgiven

gaydanvers: lena why is dwight ur favorite

llbean: jim and pam are overrated

llbean: he’s the next best character

samariass: are you kidding me?

samariass: over michael?

thebestlane: i prefer stanley

gaydanvers: ummm you guys are all on crack

gaydanvers: pam is obviously the best one

maggic: or you’re just gay danvers

gaydanvers: well that is my name

lildanvers: hey i like dwight too

llbean: be original kara

lildanvers: ouch thats rude

llbean: do you actually like him or are you just saying that bc of me?

lildanvers: i support you babe in everything you do

llbean: that answers that

gaydanvers: lucy why the fuck did you say stanley

thebestlane: bc i relate to him the most

gaydanvers: how

thebestlane: mostly bc i never want to be at work

maggic: everyone who agrees with that statement say i

gaydanvers: i

lildanvers: i

llbean: i

daddyv: i

maggic: okay actually everyone stop too many notifications coming through

maggic: my captain is getting mad

samariass: didn’t know you were one to follow orders

gaydanvers: she only follows mine

maggic: dont try to top from the bottom sweetie

maggic: it doesn’t suit you

gaydanvers: hey guys announcement 

gaydanvers: im now celibate 

daddyv: congrats

maggic: really vasquez

maggic: ur such a shit

daddyv: for a top you sure are weak

maggic: f off

daddyv: wait what’s the ratio of tops to bottoms in this chat

maggic: idk lemme count real quick

maggic: littledanvers- confirmed top  
gaydanvers- whiny bottom  
maggic- ultimate top  
llbean- power bottom  
winnsdom- bottom bottom  
samariass- second-best top  
thebestlane- precious small bean bottom  
saturnup- (pillow princess) bottom  
brainalicious- straight bottom  
psichic- alpha top  
doublen- questionable top  
daddyv- obvious daddy top   
kittyg- top-for-everyone-but-kara top

gaydanvers: you didnt need to add the descriptors mags 

samariass: they’re golden tho

lildanvers: my child is not a top!

doublen: i am with brainy mom

gaydanvers: mom?

maggic: mom

daddyv: mom

winnsdom: mom

lildanvers: rao shut up

llbean: she’s our child

maggic: okay going to ignore you weirdos and say its pretty even

maggic: well basically even since nia is apparently a switch

lildanvers: shit maybe we should add eve and jess to even it out

psichic: they’re both bottoms tho

lildanvers has added petpeve

lildanvers has added itsjess

lildanvers: yeh but i didnt want the top energy to become too much for the bottoms 

psichic: for once i agree with the blonde

gaydanvers: hey thats rude

llbean: without us bottoms what would you have

lildanvers: i mean alex your celibate now why does it matter

gaydanvers: ur a dick kara

petpeve: uh hey guys what is this

itsjess: yeh im very confused

lildanvers: obviously its the superfriends groupchat can’t you hoes read

daddyv: “obviously”

lildanvers: leave me alone vasquez ive had enough of your shit for one day

daddyv: did somebody slip kara a new type of kryptonite 

llbean: honestly she’s just like that when shes comfortable

daddyv: yeh okay lena sure 

llbean: hey eve! I miss you at l corp

petpeve: sorry james has had me busy all day

maggic: ah yes 

maggic: jolsen

saturnup: wow havent heard that name in awhile

gaydanvers: who is that again

winnsdom: guys

llbean: idk suddenly i cant remember

itsjess: you guys are so weird 

llbean: love your username jess

llbean: new girl is the best

itsjess: i know right i love it

itsjess: eve funnily enough

itsjess: you kind of remind me of jess a little

gaydanvers: oof wait whos schmidt, nick, winston, coach, and cece

samariass: nick is totally lucy cuz ur a mess sweetie 

thebestlane: well cat is definitely coach

kittyg: rude

lildanvers: lena’s cece cuz she hot

daddyv: agreed

llbean: u aint wrong

gaydanvers: kara is totally schmidt 

maggic: yeh shes so extra

kittyg: well who does winston go to

maggic: easy vasquez

daddyv: is it because i used to play basketball

maggic: what makes you say that 

daddyv: i hate all of u

lildanvers: except for me

daddyv: kara… what… how…

daddyv: YOU LITERALLY HAVE BEEN ON MY ASS ALL DAY 

lildanvers: damn i was kidding

lildanvers: clearly i havent grown on you after all these years

daddyv: ur so dramatic

daddyv: you know i love you

lildanvers: ha i knew id get you to admit it

gaydanvers: vasquez i dont know how you didnt see that coming

llbean: ur so manipulative kara 

lildanvers: oh btw jess and eve

lildanvers: we added u cuz ur both bottoms and we had too much top energy going on

itsjess: what makes you think im bottoming for anyone

llbean: wow jess i thought u were on my side of things

itsjess: even tho ur my boss i think its safe for me to say this

itsjess: i would have more power than u in the bedroom

llbean: i challenge that

llbean: ive only ever bottomed for kara and topped with everyone else 

lildanvers: it was funny bc you cat and lucy all bottomed for me when we had the foursome

lildanvers: so seems to me like u aint got too many top bones in u baby

llbean: shut up kara

lildanvers: veronica sinclair is not a bottom

llbean: okay well everyone else

lildanvers: if the rest were one-night stands i could see it

lildanvers: bc who would fuck up a chance to sleep with lena luthor

samariass: i did once

llbean: really sam did u have to

lildanvers: im sorry WHAT

maggic: uh oh

gaydanvers: what dont we know sammy

kittyg: this is why i stay

thebestlane: no you stay bc you want to make kara admit she’d bottom for u eventually

lildanvers: SHUT UP EVERYONE

lildanvers: samantha

samariass: yes kara

lildanvers: when did you try and get with my girl

samariass: it was a long time ago

samariass: we were both in college

samariass: i was at MIT for a basketball game

daddyv: wow she coulda been winston 

maggic: shut up v

samariass: saw her on the stands after the game

samariass: tried to get her to hook up with me

samariass: she said no and we became friends somehow

thebestlane: lena why would u say no

llbean: uhhhhhhh

daddyv: what aren’t you telling us luthor

llbean: i may have had three fuck buddies already and i didnt want another one

lildanvers: im sorry wut

llbean: i didnt wanna tell u this kara

maggic: plot twist

gaydanvers: am i surprised lena was a hoe? no. am i surprised she didn’t tell kara? absolutely. 

kittyg: is she pretending like she’s doing a one on one interview on The Office

gaydanvers: (looks off camera)

thebestlane: nerd

lildanvers: lena what the fuck

llbean: i was a rebellious child

llbean: so once i reached college and lillian couldnt do anything

llbean: i may have went a little crazy

lildanvers: is that when you got the massive tattoo on your back?! because you still never told me the story behind it

llbean: thats because im embarrassed of my college days

daddyv: three fuck buddies luthor?

daddyv: three?!

llbean: that was only for the first semester

maggic: lena ur digging urself deeper kid

gaydanvers: kara dont act like you were some golden child and like lena was the only one hoeing around

gaydanvers: she used to bring home a different girl or guy almost every night when we shared a dorm room my senior and her sophomore year 

lildanvers: hey at least i never slept with the same person twice

llbean: and i thought i was the one with a problem

lildanvers: fine.

lildanvers: i can move past your history if you can move past mine

llbean: deal but tell me one thing

lildanvers: ask away

llbean: have you ever slept with any of our friends?

lildanvers: well obviously lucy and cat

lildanvers: i think i may have almost slept with vasquez once after we got drunk together

daddyv: we tried but i wasnt ready to bottom for you yet

lildanvers: guess youll never get ur shot at all this

daddyv: when you say things like that im glad i didnt

lildanvers: fucking rude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> deadass im not writing another chapter for awhile on this one just cuz i feel like i fed u guys well
> 
> so toodles again bitches


	22. Basically We're All Lesbians

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just shenanigans like always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone has to be traumatized, if not everyone

daddyv: i am so disgusted i dont think ill ever eat a donut again

lildanvers: i told you i could fit twelve in my mouth

daddyv: she nearly choked

lildanvers: i dont choke

samariass: wait for it

lildanvers: on anything

samariass: called it 

llbean: we get it kara 

llbean: you’re a lesbian

lildanvers: was me eating you out what gave it away?

lildanvers: or was it the slamming you into the mattress and leaving hickeys everywhere that did it?

llbean: fuck off kara

gaydanvers: can you not lena

llbean: how are you blaming me for that?! 

gaydanvers: idk i just am

lildanvers: guys help i have no inspiration for what to write my next article on

maggic: doesn’t james give you assignments

lildanvers: nope he’s giving me free will on this one

lildanvers: suggestions?

daddyv: harnesses

itsjess: anal fisting

maggic: aftercare

samariass: kinks

kittyg: darlings, let’s give her something she can actually work with

gaydanvers: alright go ahead cat

kittyg: the magic of lube

lildanvers: can you horny fucks give me something serious to talk about

psichic: i don’t know kara they all sounded pretty serious to me

lildanvers: oh now you want to say something psi

psichic: as long as im on the side against you?

psichic: yes

saturnup: babe be nice to kara

psichic: be nice to mon-el

saturnup: no

psichic: then that’s my answer too

saturnup: sorry kara i tried

lildanvers: well can you TRY to give me something to work with here

saturnup: i dont think ill be much help

saturnup: kinda occupied

psichic: occupado conmigo, pendeja

winnsdom: kara why don’t you write about your home planet

maggic: that’s too sad winn

doublen: well you could do a piece on trans aliens

doublen: id love to do an interview for that

lildanvers: i love you my child 

lildanvers: that’s an amazing idea!

maggic: you’re still going with the child thing huh?

gaydanvers: honestly i see it tho

thebestlane: pics or it’s fake

llbean: (photo message)

maggic: lena since when do you take selfies

maggic: especially with other people in them

llbean: since my daughter asked me to duh

daddyv: please stop

samariass: they’re not wrong tho

kittyg: i must say kara 

kittyg: it looks like you and lena were actually able to create a human being

doublen: i thought it was creepy at first too but they’re like my mentors

doublen: and parents are like mentors sooo

brainalicious: the logic behind that is heard

doublen: no brainy its supposed to be sound

brainalicious: the logic behind that is sound?

brainalicious: well that doesn’t sound right

thebestlane: can you stop saying sound before my eyes forget that it’s a word

lildanvers: damn having a hard time reading right now

thebestlane: i know because now sound doesn’t sound like a word

samariass: i keep saying it out loud and it’s weird

maggic: is everyone doing that too

maggic: bc i am

kittyg: all of you have atrocious grammar

lildanvers: all grammar rules flew out the groupchat long ago miss grant

kittyg: like how you just flew out of Noonan’s with more donuts?

lildanvers: …

daddyv: kara you went back?!

daddyv: twelve wasn’t enough for you?!!!

lildanvers: i usually have like three dozen tbh

daddyv: god im even more disgusted

llbean: kara next time use my credit card we’ve talked about this

lildanvers: you’re not my sugar mommy

kittyg: she should be using your credit card lena

kittyg: luce and i just saw her take out five dozen boxes of assorted treats 

daddyv: kara!

gaydanvers: vasquez she was totally lying to you when she only said three dozen

maggic: yeh idk how you thought that was enough calories for her

llbean: KARA!

lildanvers: yes mommy

gaydanvers: eww

lildanvers: well she calls me daddy so i only had one other option

gaydanvers: stop talking

llbean: next time please charge it to my bank account

llbean: you know i have too much money for a lifetime

daddyv: can you buy me a blindfold

llbean: kinky ;)

llbean: why?

daddyv: no you weirdo

daddyv: so i dont have to see kara’s disgusting tendencies again

llbean: i mean if you really want one sure

gaydanvers: buy me some headphones too so i dont have to hear you and kara’s sexual escapades

lildanvers: oh cmon you rarely do

llbean: babe idk im pretty loud

lildanvers: well she shouldn’t be in my apartment when we’re having sex

gaydanvers: it was game night! 

maggic: yeh we were all having fun until you decided to fuck lena in the bathroom for like thirty minutes

lildanvers: it was not that long!

llbean: it was 

llbean: i came twice

lildanvers: coulda been three if we weren’t interrupted

winnsdom: it’s not my fault you guys had so many drinks out

maggic: did any of us tell you that you had to drink so much?

maggic: no? didn’t think so

winnsdom: i have an abnormally small bladder and kara only has one bathroom!

gaydanvers: should’ve thought it through

daddyv: hey i was the one who had to open the door for winn and get them out of there

winnsdom: well that’s not something i wanted to see

winnsdom: you’re a whole lesbian

daddyv: you right

lildanvers: we’re all whole lesbians winn

llbean: what were u expecting

winnsdom: sigh just don’t traumatize me again

lildanvers: like with that dildo?

winnsdom: kara you said you wouldn’t

lildanvers: who wants to hear the story of why Winn hates dildos now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry eveyrthing is so delayed i had zero inspiration and suprisingly that lack of inspitration helped me write about inspiration and yeh idk just whateva


	23. Falling Dildos And Falling In Love... Well, Fallen In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no summary i aint spoiling just read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i wrote this chapter quickly bc i got a brilliant idea and just rolled wiht it

lildanvers: so one day i decided to go to a sex shop right

daddyv: surprised you had the courage to go in there

lildanvers: fuck off vasquez or ill make you buy me more donuts

daddyv: you don’t need anymore

lildanvers: fine pizza 

lildanvers: just let me tell the story

winnsdom: sigh

lildanvers: so i walk in there and immediately who do i see

lildanvers: anyone care to guess?

maggic: winnie pop

maggic: we know

maggic: continue

lildanvers: rao everyone is so grouchy today

samariass: or we just want to hear the story

thebestlane: some of us don’t have any other source of entertainment right now

lildanvers: well anyways winn doesn’t spot me once i walk in

lildanvers: so i decided to sneak around the aisle of dildos he was in and scare him from the other side

llbean: gosh i love this already

lildanvers: well apparently he thought my freeze breath was like a spider on his back or something because he jumped a mile

lildanvers: but he fell over after the jump and hit one shelf

lildanvers: and a whole row of dildos came crashing down on him

lildanvers: and somehow 

lildanvers: one landed in his mouth

lildanvers: and seeing him choke and turn bright red 

winnsdom: …

lildanvers: may have been the funniest thing I’ve ever witnessed on any planet

kittyg: god lucy get off of me

kittyg: she’s literally howling

gaydanvers: WHEEZING

maggic: comedy gold

thebestlane: I CaNt BreAThe 

kittyg: i can’t breathe with you rolling all on top of me

lildanvers: *cough* bottom

kittyg: KARA DANVERS I AM NO BOTTOM

kittyg: I AM YOUR BOSS

kittyg: RESPECT ME

lildanvers: i do respect you Cat but you’re not my boss anymore

lildanvers: and you sound like a bottom

kittyg: lena

llbean: whut

kittyg: can we have another foursome?

llbean: -_-

llbean: why? so you can convince kara to bottom for you?

llbean: not. gonna. happen. 

lildanvers: ive told you Cat

lildanvers: im down for a foursome anytime

lildanvers: but i will only ever bottom for the love of my life

llbean: lmao thats me bitch

kittyg: wait a second lena would you bottom for me

llbean: absolutely not

llbean: kara, yes. veronica, yes because she gave me no choice. all others, no.

kittyg: you two are my least favorite couple now

llbean: awh we were your favorite? 

lildanvers: cute

llbean: hey kara, time out, I need a hand

lildanvers: a hand in where?

samariass: Kara no. 

gaydanvers: not in the group chat! 

gaydanvers: we talked about this

llbean: i cant find the planner you gave me

llbean: and i had an important date written in it

gaydanvers: woah woah woah

gaydanvers: you passed on an important danvers family tradition

gaydanvers: without me knowing

winnsdom: wait why didn’t we get one

maggic: are we not family little danvers?

samariass: yeh don’t you love us?

maggic: fakest sister-in-law ive ever had

lildanvers: im the only sister-in-law you’ve ever had

gaydanvers: still the fakest, you betrayor of family

gaydanvers: maggie has been my wife for awhile now!

lildanvers: you could’ve gotten her one

lildanvers: but let me explain

gaydanvers: yes kara try to explain your way out of this one just try

lildanvers: hold on

lildanvers: lena i found it

lildanvers: did you need me to tell you the important date

llbean: yeah cuz im all the way over in the master bedroom 

lildanvers: alright let me just flip to the page real quick

llbean: take your time no rush

lildanvers: lena…

llbean: yes my love

lildanvers: why does it say

lildanvers: “today’s the day I ask Kara to marry me”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao ur all welcome


	24. Pizza, Potstickers, Proposals, and Pussy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ..... THEY'RE ENGAGED AHHHHHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a mild headache from writing this but i didnt wanna leave u guys like this

maggic: CAN WE PLEASE BE UPDATED ON THE POSSIBLE ENGAGEMENT

winnsdom: !!!!

samariass: damn didn’t think lena was gonna propose to kara 

samariass: thought it’d be the other way around

thebestlane: its happening people

gaydanvers: lmao kara’s gonna be so mad that she didn’t get to propose first tho

kittyg: she deserves it

gaydanvers: cat get over the fact that she’ll never bottom for you

kittyg: hmph

llbean: she said yes guys

lildanvers: well obviously I would

lildanvers: she also said yes

lildanvers: i proposed right after

llbean: my proposal was still better

lildanvers: I WASNT EXPECTING YOU TO PROPOSE SO I DIDNT HAVE A PLAN YET

llbean: hey at least we’re getting married you dork

llbean: i wouldn’t have cared how it happened

llbean: i just wanted to be yours forever

lildanvers: and you will be <3

maggic: sorry gag no 

kittyg: coughing up a hair ball

daddyv: take the name Cat literally, much?

kittyg: im just being dramatic like everyone else

daddyv: doesn’t suit you

kittyg: who do you think you’re talking to

daddyv: lucy come get your woman

daddyv: i have better things to deal with

daddyv: congrats lena and kara

daddyv: i hate you both

lildanvers: we hate you too

llbean: eye rolling

gaydanvers: 1) im so excited to be your maid of honor kara and 2) lena did you go with the tower of pizza and potstickers like you imagined

llbean: yes and she’s eating them like a cute disgusting little puppy right now

lildanvers: TIME OUT

lildanvers: ALEX YOU KNEW SHE WAS PROPOSING

gaydanvers: duh she came and asked me maggie and eliza for permission awhile ago dude

maggic: it was really cute actually

maggic: she was hella nervous and shy

llbean: im sorry maggie did you want me to get a new maid of honor?

maggic: it was a pure and wholesome moment

maggic: i wasn’t saying anything bad about you being a precious little child

llbean: mhmmm

lildanvers: ALEX I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO PROPOSE SOON

samariass: yeah even i thought it would be kara before lena because kara asked me for permission

llbean: wait… what

llbean: kara is that true?

lildanvers: well yeh i know sam’s like family to you so…

itsjess: she even asked me and eve too

petpeve: she was just as nervous as maggie said you were lena

llbean: i was definitely most nervous asking j’onn tho

lildanvers: you asked j’onn?

llbean: yeh he’s been like a father to you but he was being super scary about it

llbean: so i knew i had to get his permission as well

lildanvers: rao i love you

llbean: i love you more

thebestlane: okay congrats but im gonna throw up

thebestlane: someone get back to the roasting please

gaydanvers: i have a better idea

gaydanvers: its time to guess what these sentences are about

gaydanvers: lena or potstickers are your two choices

gaydanvers: and they are in the words of a one kara danvers

llbean: oh god 

gaydanvers: “my fingers are so sticky right now Alex i don’t know how im holding the phone”

gaydanvers: “it’s like it was placed on earth for my enjoyment only”

gaydanvers: “there’s something about going days without seeing them, that makes me crave them more.”

gaydanvers: “if i could choose one thing to eat for the rest of my life, this would be it, no hesitations.”

gaydanvers: and final one “honestly there’s nothing better than waking up and realizing what’s waiting for me at the counter.”

thebestlane: they all sound like they’re about potstickers

samariass: yeah well i dont feel like guessing

kittyg: give us the answers

daddyv: they’re obviously all about lena

maggic: ^yeah trick question alex

maggic: kara only says shit like that when she’s horny

lildanvers: i feel invaded

gaydanvers: its true all of them are about lena

gaydanvers: 1. she called me the first time they had sex, i was disgusted

llbean: kara that’s where you went?! 

lildanvers: i came back and satisfied you again after didn’t i?

lildanvers: i just wanted to tell alex because i was scared but also immensely proud of what i did to you

llbean: why are you like this

gaydanvers: 2. Lena’s ass

llbean: she not wrong

llbean: it’s yours for life now kara

maggic: disgustingly filthy 

maggic: proud

gaydanvers: 3. Lena’s boobs 

llbean: was that the time i went on a business trip and i came back and you couldn’t look me in the eye at all when we were talking

lildanvers: im soRrY but i missed them

lildanvers: and damn that shirt you were wearing

lildanvers: honey you know you did that on purpose

llbean: i absolutely did

daddyv: what was 4 and 5 about?

gaydanvers: 4. obviously we know this one vasquez

daddyv: too much of a pussy to say pussy?

gaydanvers: leave me alone vasquez

gaydanvers: keep bothering kara instead

lildanvers: hey!

gaydanvers: 5. I thought kara was referring to potstickers but apparently her and lena have kitchen sex all the time

maggic: but i cook a lot of vegan meals with lena there

llbean: sorry but what she eating off that counter ain’t vegan

maggic: god now im actually grossed out

lildanvers: we disinfect it maggie

maggic: really kara do you?

maggic: because one time i came over and set some groceries down for lena and i to make salads with

maggic: and my hand touched a wet spot that did not feel like water

maggic: you told me that it was nothing

lildanvers: lena made you wash your hands after

maggic: GROSS KARA

maggic: You’re My Sister In Law

maggic: i don’t want any other danvers juice on me but alex’s

daddyv: lmao juice

daddyv: suck it up like a thickass milshake with a straw

maggic: shut up vasquez im traumatized

lildanvers: if it makes you feel better, it wasn’t from me

maggic: how would you think that makes me feel better

maggic: lena’s like a baby sister to me

llbean: hey i am no baby

maggic: clearly not since i was conned by both you and kara

llbean: we didn’t con you

llbean: we just didn’t tell you the truth

gaydanvers: babe this is kinda funny tho

maggic: oh really

maggic: what if that had been you?

gaydanvers: okay nevermind i might actually pull my hair out then

gaydanvers: little luthor stop getting wet on the counter

llbean: why do you keep blaming stuff on me again?! 

llbean: kara’s the one that does it to me

gaydanvers: okay just stop

gaydanvers: fine ill stop blaming you jeez

llbean: so anyways im gonna go have a sex fest with kara now

lildanvers: well i can handle it

lildanvers: ive got a pussy of steel

gaydanvers: im going to leave this groupchat

gaydanvers: unbelievable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taking a break from writing tomorrow... i need to get actual sleep soon


	25. Alex Danvers? No. Alex Damn-vers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finally contributes to the hot filthy shit.... it's hilarious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who here thinks Valentine's Day is a good holiday?
> 
> also sorry if i take a quick hiatus until friday. too much to do college wise and life wise

gaydanvers: uh why do you guys both still have your apartments

llbean: because we’re both too stubborn to give them up

lildanvers: its nice to have sex in different places Alex

maggic: two types of people

daddyv: kara you literally have sex everywhere

daddyv: how is one more place going to make a difference

lildanvers: you would know how different it was if you had sex with me

daddyv: i dont want to find out

daddyv: ill just believe you

lildanvers: mhmm

lildanvers: by the way happy mother’s day lena

llbean: im not a mother?

lildanvers: you my sugar mommy

daddyv: christ kara 

samariass: gold digger

llbean: dammit kara why do you have to say things like this

llbean: and it’s not even mother’s day!

lildanvers: but you love when i say these things

llbean: well fuck off kara I’m not buying you anymore food

lildanvers: dang I think I took things too far

llbean: sorry ive just been dealing with james all day

llbean: he’s such a headache

petpeve: lena im so sorry! i didn’t mean for you guys to fight over me

gaydanvers: uh why u fighting over the blonde?

maggic: yeh seems kinda weird

samariass: obviously because they both want her at their places of work

petpeve: ive tried telling james that i want to go with lena

petpeve: but he wont listen

kittyg: do i need to go down there and have a word with mr olsen

thebestlane: please do babe

thebestlane: anytime you yell at someone you come back horny

kittyg: lucille i suggest you close your mouth right now

samariass: lmao lucille 

gaydanvers: lucille balllllllll

thebestlane: that’s fine

thebestlane: itll be open for you later

lildanvers: damn lucy that was good

lildanvers: ive taught you well

gaydanvers: that can’t be taught 

gaydanvers: you have to do it on your own

lildanvers: you know what you have to do on your own? 

lildanvers: masturbate

lildanvers: cuz im pretty sure you’re still celibate

maggic: brutal 

gaydanvers: its like maggie wants me to stay celibate forever

maggic: babe you can tell them what you want

maggic: but we both know who was screaming my name last night

lildanvers: alex you dirty little whore

lildanvers: and you get on my ass and Lena’s ass about being filthy in the chat

gaydanvers: hey im not the one saying things!

maggic: you started it babe

gaydanvers: you don’t have to react to me!

gaydanvers: no sex for you tonight

gaydanvers: im signing off

samariass: alex this is your only source of entertainment while you’re at work

thebestlane: yeh you’re not going anywhere

gaydanvers: true actually

gaydanvers: i was just trying to see what it was like to be the drama queen that is Lena

lildanvers: what did you say about my girl

gaydanvers: i said… She’s. A. Drama. Queen.

llbean: Alex

gaydanvers: yes Lena

llbean: do I need to buy the company that makes your favorite whisky and have them discontinue it?

gaydanvers: like you’d be that extra

llbean: mmm

gaydanvers: wait….

gaydanvers: ...you are that extra

gaydanvers: KARA

lildanvers: you hollered

gaydanvers: call her off

lildanvers: call who off

gaydanvers: the drama queen

lildanvers: im sorry i dont know who that is

gaydanvers: Luthor

lildanvers: nope doesn’t ring a bell

gaydanvers: Lena

lildanvers: sounds somewhat familiar but no

gaydanvers: your fucking fiancee Kara

lildanvers: ah now i know who you’re talking about

lildanvers: alright

lildanvers: down Lena

llbean: she says that to me a lot

llbean: but mostly in that context we lesbians all love so much

gaydanvers: i hate you both more than i hate brainy

brainalicious: hey!

brainalicious: ill have you know Director that you like me 43% of the time

gaydanvers: not much, is it?

brainalicious: no but it’s better than how much you like vasquez right now

daddyv: im sorry what

brainalicious: you’re at 39% i’m afraid

gaydanvers: yeh why shouldn’t she be

daddyv: how have i managed to piss off another Danvers sister?

gaydanvers: you should know

lildanvers: lol vasquez you’re so oblivious to how you handle people it’s hilarious

daddyv: am not!

llbean: you called me a slut the other day for making out with Kara in front of you

daddyv: lena the amount of tongue you were using while I was eating my lunch was disgusting

llbean: sounds like a personal problem

daddyv: whatever lena you’re the least of my concerns right now

llbean: see ^

llbean: you don’t care how you handle things

llbean: you can be rude and unfriendly

daddyv: well danvers is like that too so how is she affected by something i did

gaydanvers: it wasnt so much what you did

gaydanvers: its what you didnt do

daddyv: really alright... what didn’t i do?

gaydanvers: you didn’t follow one very specific order I gave you yesterday

daddyv: wait… the one you gave me at lunch?

gaydanvers: that very one

daddyv: you were serious about that?!

gaydanvers: was there anything about my facial expression or body language or my standing in the DEO that said I wasn’t?

daddyv: no

gaydanvers: no what?

daddyv: no director

gaydanvers: so then why did you disobey me?

maggic: fuck this is hot

gaydanvers: Sawyer

maggic: yes?

gaydanvers: No.

maggic: it’s even hotter now

maggic: panties are wet

daddyv: Alex, I mean director, what you asked me to do was outrageous

gaydanvers: oh really? Do you find this type of thing to be… unimportant?

daddyv: well no not exactly

gaydanvers: not exactly?

gaydanvers: well im not exactly in the mood to do a task i asked you to do but here i am

gaydanvers: and im not exactly willing to put up with you

gaydanvers: im suspending you for two days

daddyv: two days are you kidding me?!

gaydanvers: no pay for a week when you come back

daddyv: all over nothing?!

gaydanvers: ah so the truth comes out. 

gaydanvers: this task was not nothing

daddyv: alex 

gaydanvers: it’s director to you. 

daddyv: director how is planning an engagement party for Lena and Kara not a waste of my time at the DEO?

llbean: ouch

lildanvers: rude

gaydanvers: that was a confidential task.

gaydanvers: and you should be willing to do what I ask and follow orders that were given to you

daddyv: Director, I had other things to do

brainalicious: vasquez I recommend not continuing this conversation further. 

ybrainalicious: you have gone down to 24%

gaydanvers: it’s been relatively quiet in the city lately

gaydanvers: Supergirl has been handling things tremendously

lildanvers: you bet your ass I have

gaydanvers: so what other things did you have to do?

daddyv: …

gaydanvers: that’s what i thought

gaydanvers: now i better not see your ass in my control room when I next go for my inspection walk

daddyv: yes director

maggic: hey Alex I got off work 

maggic: can i come see you

gaydanvers: how did you manage to convince your captain to let you leave?

maggic: honestly i just told her i needed sex and showed her the group message of you being sexy as shit

gaydanvers: really?

maggic: no are you crazy

maggic: i told her i had period cramps and that i would do some extra paperwork at home if she let me go

lildanvers: lmao alex you can’t deny your crazy wife now

gaydanvers: hmm well I’ll think about giving her sex when she gets here

llbean: ooh rough

samariass: maggie hurry up before she changes her mind about you even being there

maggic: well surprise im already here

maggic: who do you all think i am

gaydanvers: stay in your car maggie

maggic: awh are you serious

gaydanvers: i didn’t say you had to leave

gaydanvers: i just said stay in your car

maggic: fuck i think im about to bottom right now

gaydanvers: don’t think, be sure by the time i get there

gaydanvers: otherwise i have other things i can attend to

maggic: nope i am ready for you completely

lildanvers: hey lena now we can use this against alex

llbean: free pass to that out of this world ass of yours now

llbean: i can say anything i want

gaydanvers: don’t even think about it right now.

llbean: yes agent

gaydanvers: …

llbean: director

lildanvers: no lena don’t give in like that

lildanvers: damn such a bottom in bed, but in real life you’re a top

lildanvers: pull yourself together woman

llbean: i think im just gonna let alex have her moment

lildanvers: fine

lildanvers: but we’re upping our game later lena

llbean: copy that kara copy that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter gave me heartburn...


	26. All The Hetero Energy And You Still Can't Stop The Sexts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Kara and Lena trying to up their game but failing until the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i barely felt like writing today but have this shit

lildanvers: so alex

lildanvers: how was your first fuck after ditching celibacy

gaydanvers: god kara stop

lildanvers: that’s what lena is saying right now

lildanvers: sounds more whiny tho

gaydanvers: KARA

samariass: you didn’t scroll back and read the rest of the messages did you

thebestlane: yeh kara and lena are going from level 1 to 100 apparently

lildanvers: im sorry how did u think we were only at level 1

thebestlane: bc cat and i are way dirtier

llbean: kara do u remember them saying anything filthy in the chat

lildanvers: nope

lildanvers: do you

llbean: nah that’s cuz they never were

kittyg: oh plz we’re totally filthier than u

lildanvers: in what way? Bc lena and i beat u in everything

kittyg: everything? really? 

kittyg: you think highly of yourselves

llbean: that’s bc combined we have it all

maggic: i have to agree lena and kara are a force to be reckoned with

daddyv: im not taking sides

lildanvers: take cat and lucy’s side

gaydanvers: ^ agreed

daddyv: will you two please let it go

lildanvers: ill let you go alright

lildanvers: off the side of a fucking building until you nearly hit the ground 

lildanvers: and then ill deliver you to alex 

gaydanvers: deliver her straight to hell i dont want her

lildanvers: alex you know i can only deliver gay

llbean: true

llbean: she delivers that gay shit to me every night

daddyv: guys can we be serious

gaydanvers: oh just like how i needed you to take me seriously the other day 

daddyv: im sorry alex i really am

daddyv: but please what can i do to make you guys forgive me

daddyv: even tho i already thought kara forgave me

lildanvers: i mean technically but im in this too deep

lildanvers: just like how im always so deep in lena 

psichic: you guys are trying too hard to up your game now

psichic: its like you’re just trying to fit comments in anywhere

lildanvers: psichic more like sidekick to this conversation

psichic: oh wow that definitly got me im soooooooo hurt

saturnup: lmao babe she’s kind right tho

saturnup: we barely talk in here

daddyv: you’re off topic again kara

lildanvers: ugh you’re no fun

lildanvers: but fine

lildanvers: i have only ONE way for you to forgive me

daddyv: ugh i don’t even want to know but what is it

lildanvers: tell me im better at being a top than you

daddyv: no

lildanvers: guess we’re sworn enemies now

daddyv: kara stop

lildanvers: say it

daddyv: kara i cant

lildanvers: say it or you can go crawling to alex for forgiveness

lildanvers: and hers doesn’t come as easy

lildanvers: im giving you a quick way out

daddyv: fine

daddyv: you are the ultimate top

lildanvers: not what i asked you to say

daddyv: dammit fine you’re better at being a top than me

daddyv: are you happy?

lildanvers: hey lena do you mind if i frame this exchange and put it on your bedroom wall so ill always be reminded how superior i am when im railing you

llbean: sure you can put it next to my nudes

thebestlane: shut up lena we both know your walls are empty

llbean: lmao you right 

lildanvers: lucy you’re such a let down

thebestlane: well somehow you guys didn’t up your game it just went down

samaraiss: yeh it really is better when it seems natural

gaydanvers: hey don’t hate on my sister and near future-sis-in-law like that

llbean: yeah

lildanvers: yeah

maggic: yeah 

gaydanvers: mags why did u join in

maggic: cuz they my fam too

gaydanvers: valid

daddyv: alex 

gaydanvers: nope

daddyv: director

gaydanvers: yes

daddyv: what do i need to do for you to forgive me

gaydanvers: im sorry but i wasn’t aware i had to forgive you

daddyv: alex cmon

gaydanvers: …

daddyv: director please i just want to be in your good graces again

gaydanvers: give me your motorcycle

daddyv: you’re joking

gaydanvers: haven’t you learned by now not to think im anything but serious?

daddyv: you have a way nicer one that Lena bought you

llbean: true that thing rides better than I ride Kara

samariass: ^ yes that’s what I mean

lildanvers: yeh yeh we get it

gaydanvers: i want another bike

gaydanvers: different aesthetics, different moods

gaydanvers: so do we have a deal or am i to continue ignoring you?

daddyv: deal but only if you pay me for this week

gaydanvers: no negotiations.

gaydanvers: keys on my desk by 4:59 

daddyv: yes maam 

maggic: alex you’ve got to stop being sexy like that

gaydanvers: maggie im literally just doing my job

maggic: well i want to be your job then

gaydanvers: i do you all the time

maggic: not enough i need you more

lildanvers: horny fucks

lildanvers: disgusting

lildanvers: tone it down

gaydanvers: go eat some kryptonite kara

lildanvers: id much rather eat Lena

gaydanvers: can you please not take everything i say in a sexual manner

llbean: she has no self-control

llbean: when opportunity hits, so does kara

llbean: and by that I mean she spanks me

llbean: hard

lildanvers: you know it baby

kittyg: kara remember when you used to just be an innocent assistant

lildanvers: no because I may have been your assistant but i sure as hell wasn’t innocent

llbean: yeh even when we weren’t together yet kara used to make really dirty jokes 

gaydanvers: i love how you didn’t find that to be one of many signs that you two were in love with each other

llbean: it was filthy tho 

llbean: i mean i thought she just had that personality

lildanvers: lmao remember that time you came to see me for lunch and you spilt ice cream all over your leg

llbean: …

lildanvers: and then i told you that i wanted to melt you just like that ice cream by licking it off your thigh

maggic: lena what the fuck how did you not think she was coming onto you

lildanvers: honestly if she had said she liked me then i woulda freaked out

lildanvers: i wasn’t ready

llbean: yet you were somehow ready to take me to pound town

lildanvers: dont judge me

llbean: you know i do

lildanvers: well stop

llbean: no

lildanvers: yes

llbean: beg me and i will

samariass: i love this

winnsdom: brainy we need to do something about this

gaydanvers: you and brainy gonna start being sexual in the chat too huh winn?

thebestlane: kinky

samariass: im down for this

winnsdom: no i just meant we needed to counteract kara and lena with some straight shit

maggic: winn all the hetero energy in the world could not stop those two

brainalicious: maggie’s words are accurate

brainalicious: i would know

winnsdom: wow buddy i thought you would help me out on this

brainalicious: sorry im currently on a date with my girl anyways

lildanvers: keep our daughter safe

llbean: what she said

llbean: now where were we kara

lildanvers: ill come show you where we were

gaydanvers: just no

gaydanvers: no more please 

lildanvers: funny lena always says the opposite of that

llbean: more pleaseeeeeeeeee

llbean: always 

maggic: alex im coming over to give you a hug

gaydanvers: i need a mild sedative 

gaydanvers: so pick up a rock on your way

maggic: oh danvers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> college can suck a dick. and we all know i mean that with my entire heart cuz i hate dick.


	27. I Think We Finally Damaged The Director

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THINGS HAVE BEEN TAKEN TOO FAR or maybe not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hate me?

gaydanvers: I CANT EVEN SEE ANYMORE

lildanvers: sorry it was a prime opportunity

gaydanvers: THAT COMMENT BURNED MY EYES COMPLETELY 

maggic: im wheezing

maggic: WHEEZING I TELL YOU

llbean: kara too filthy

lildanvers: …

llbean: im totally kidding 

llbean: it made me wet for sure

thebestlane: im just here for alex dying because of the horny hoes again

daddyv: well i dont want alex mad at me again so im just gonna say it was too far

lildanvers: how difficult was it for you, as a top, to say that?

daddyv: i felt physical pain as i typed it

doublen: i really didnt need to hear that Kara

lildanvers: lena we raised an innocent

lildanvers: what should we do

llbean: hey nia

doublen: yeh lena?

llbean: pull yourself together woman

doublen: but why

llbean: because clearly kara and i must’ve messed up somewhere if you can’t handle this ONE comment

doublen: well i didn’t want to imagine you two so vividly

lildanvers: hey what you choose to take from that is of your own doing

llbean: exactly 

lildanvers: kara knows whats up

gaydanvers: KARA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

gaydanvers: WHY DIDNT YOU AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY TO REMOVE ME FROM THE CHAT BEFORE YOU SAID THAT

gaydanvers: A SISTER DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS

lildanvers: i dont think we took things too far

llbean: survey says…

llbean: …

llbean: …

llbean: results inconclusive

llbean: lets take it down to the people

llbean: margaret sawyer, what are your thoughts?

llbean: team alex or team kara?

maggic: well i mean usually im team alex for very obvious reasons

maggic: but this comment just took the cake

maggic: #teamlildanvers

kittyg: #notsolildanvers

llbean: cat that is unclear

llbean: are you saying that you’re not on kara’s side or that she’s not so little anymore

kittyg: the latter

llbean: and why do you say this

kittyg: lena we both know shes probably on her way over to eat you out

kittyg: her comment made you wet

kittyg: it was clearly a good one

kittyg: so im #teamlildanvers

llbean: okay is there anyone for the director?

daddyv: ya know what no i dont care if she hates me more that was classic 

gaydanvers: i absolutely do hate you more

gaydanvers: i hate you all

gaydanvers: Kara, I am so done

lildanvers: fake news

gaydanvers: Lena, don’t even try to marry my sister 

llbean: don’t have to try since it’s already gonna happen

gaydanvers: Vasquez, you can fuck right off 

daddyv: ill take it

gaydanvers: Maggie, sleep on the couch

maggic: i feel attacked in this chili's tonight

gaydanvers: Sam, i dont know why youre so silent but i know you would usually say something so you can suck a dick

samariass: im literally crying i cant stop laughing 

gaydanvers: Cat and Lucy, cancelled

thebestlane: i said like one thing

kittyg: ^

gaydanvers: and everyone else you’re lucky you haven’t spoken

winnsdom: Alex umm you might want to move out of the conference room

winnsdom: everyone can kind of see how furious and red you are

winnsdom: can we please move on from this already?

daddyv: wait...

daddyv: ...okay guys umm Alex just…

daddyv: she just…

daddyv: Maggie how soon can you get here

maggic: what did she do

daddyv: its not actually so much what she did

daddyv: its what shes doing now

maggic: EXPLIQUE POR FAVOR PENDEJA

daddyv: damn

daddyv: fine

daddyv: she umm well 

brainalicious: she’s smiling

maggic: guys what the fuck is wrong with you

maggic: you were going to drag me away from my job because she’s happy again?

daddyv: uhm detective you don’t understand

daddyv: it’s…

winnsdom: umm its terrifying

winnsdom: she hasn’t stopped smiling and it’s becoming creepy

winnsdom: like she hasn’t moved

daddyv: how did she get that calm

daddyv: i mean that’s not even calm but she’s just… staring and smiling

maggic: still not seeing how this is a bad thing?

maggic: she was bound to get over the comment some time

brainalicious has sent a photo to the group

maggic: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

maggic: THAT’S NOT EVEN A SMILE

maggic: ALEX SWEETIE IF YOU’RE READING THIS CHAT PLEASE STOP MAKING THAT FACE

maggic: its like she’s in that movie Truth or Dare

maggic: KARA GO FIX YOUR SISTER

lildanvers: i dont think she wants to see me

lildanvers: ever again 

llbean: yeah i just bought kara and i plane tickets

llbean: we’re going away for the weekend

lildanvers: wait shit

lildanvers has added papabear 

lildanvers: quick question J’onn

lildanvers: well it’s really more me telling you than asking you for permission

papabear: spit it out Kara.

lildanvers: i need you to take on supergirl duties for two days

papabear: and why is that?

lildanvers: umm because lena and i need to go away 

papabear: if this is just another sexcation then I will say no

lildanvers: i promise its not

lildanvers: i mean of course we’ll have sex

lildanvers: but we need to get away from alex

papabear: what did you do to your sister?

llbean: we broke her

papabear: in what way?

llbean: kara may have went too far with a comment about her and I

papabear: may i ask what the comment was?

llbean: are you sure you want to know?

papabear: if im letting you two leave, then yes.

papabear: I would like to know why your sister needs a time-out from you both

lildanvers: well if you say so...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you definitely hate me now. sorry you dont get to hear what Kara said ;)


	28. Pushed Too Far Over The Edge (And Not In The Good Way)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Classic Kara and Lena taking things too far. Gotta love it. Yep yep yep yep mhmm enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> of courseeeeeee i was going to share the comment with you hoes. that was always the plan. love a good tease.

lildanvers: let me screenshot what went down

lildanvers:

.....llbean: has anyone seen kara?

.....gaydanvers: i think she’s in the backyard grilling the steaks with maggie

.....samariass: awh that’s so domestic and cute

.....thebestlane: why weren’t we invited to this grilling 

.....kittyg: mildy offended

.....maggic: cool couples only 

.....maggic: this grill has turned into a roast

.....llbean: maggie that wasn’t even close to a char

.....llbean: we don’t give out raw comments like that

.....thebestlane: wow

.....kittyg: it still hurt 

.....maggic: i told kara to pick up her phone lena

.....maggic: or do you need her?

.....llbean: i need her

.....llbean: hey kara could you come inside

.....lildanvers: ill come inside that pretty mouth of yours and make you lick it all up

.....llbean: dont tell me what to do

.....lildanvers: eat me out

.....llbean: okay tell me what to do 

.....

llbean: damn kara i wish you picked up your phone right after i told maggie that her comment wasn’t cool

llbean: cuz id want you to raw me 

papabear: i can’t believe you two.

papabear: this is worse than i expected.

papabear: okay you two have my permission to go.

papabear: but remove me from this group chat. 

papabear: and never scar your sister like that again.

lildanvers: yes sir

lildanvers has removed papabear

llbean: we’re really just out here being ourselves tho

llbean: i dont understand or see the problem

gaydanvers: the problem is that you two have no control 

lildanvers: im always in control 

llbean: of me ;)

gaydanvers: this is exactly what I’m talking about!

gaydanvers: Kara you wouldn’t want to hear about my sex life so why would I want to hear about yours?

lildanvers: umm I wouldn’t mind bc then I could learn new things 

gaydanvers: disgusting

maggic: just expect the comments babe

maggic: 1) they never stop 

maggic: 2) i bet you guys couldn’t last a whole day 

llbean: 1) no we don’t and in more ways than one ;)

llbean: and 2) i promise you kara and i have amazingggg stamina

samariass: ^ see you guys can’t even go a minute 

lildanvers: well as much as i agree with lena

lildanvers: and i do completely

lildanvers: i accept maggie’s bet

llbean: but babe why

lildanvers: we’re both competitive lee and we need to prove her wrong

llbean: fine but when do we start this bet

maggic: now.

maggic: it’s better to just get it over with

maggic: ya know

maggic: i dont like leaving a girl in waiting

lildanvers: neither do i

gaydanvers: SHE ALREADY LOST

lildanvers: I DID NOT 

lildanvers: I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING SEXUAL

lildanvers: I JUST AGREED WITH HER

gaydanvers: MARGARITA

maggic: uhm what 

gaydanvers: are you allowing this?!

llbean: aRe YOu aLloWiNg THiS?!

gaydanvers: fuck off would you lena

llbean: i can’t 

llbean: not allowed at this moment

gaydanvers: is that going to be flagged too?!

lildanvers: iS tHaT gOInG tO bE fLagGeD tOo?!

gaydanvers: you two are helpless

llbean: no i think one might define us as horny

llbean: but close guess

maggic: somehow they’re going around the sexual comments by playing off of what we say 

maggic: idk what to do

samariass: we been knew they would find a way tho

kittyg: oh cmon this is ridiculous lets just not text for awhile then

thebestlane: that’s the dumbest idea you’ve ever had babe

psichic: as much as i hate to admit it

psichic: i love this groupchat

psichic: so much i can use against kara in the future

lildanvers: i only prefer lena being against me

daddyv: oh cmon that has to count for something maggie

maggic: i mean technically that’s not sexual in any way

llbean: not that you can see

thebestlane: how are you guys doing this

samariass: i kind of like this better than them actually outright saying shit

gaydanvers: no i for one hate this still

gaydanvers: i made kara delete the first groupchat i will make her delete this one too

lildanvers: gasp

llbean: you wouldn’t dare

lildanvers: ^ lmao when i say ima deny lena 

gaydanvers: FOUL

lildanvers: hey i meant when i deny her love and affection

lildanvers: not sex Alex

llbean: you’re so dirty Director 

gaydanvers: MANGERINE

maggic: you did not just say mangerine

gaydanvers: it got your attention didnt it?

llbean: yeh 10/10 screaming someone’s name absolutely does get their attention

llbean: well it gets them to give you more attention ;)

gaydanvers: I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

gaydanvers: so maggie...

gaydanvers: remove me from the group chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was the anticipation worth it? also uh oh is alex actually done? i mean idk man i have some ideas


	29. And I Feel Gay In This Chili’s Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza comes in to help basically idk I’m not doing a summary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short. My laptop is fucking whack so I can only use my phone to write now.

maggic: alex you know I’m not gonna do that 

gaydanvers: i need a break from those two 

gaydanvers: please maggie 

maggic: ya know what?

maggic: no

gaydanvers: no?

maggic: we’re settling this now

maggic: you aren’t leaving the chat and Lena and Kara aren’t leaving for the weekend 

llbean: we absolutely are 

lildanvers: we’re giving Alex space like we said we would

gaydanvers: yeh please let them go 

maggic has added elizadanvers

elizadanvers: maggie dear why have you added me to this?

maggic: because I need your help and you said when the time came, you would 

elizadanvers: well im glad you finally came to me sweetheart 

elizadanvers: it’s about time we got my children under control 

lildanvers: wait a second 

lildanvers: has Eliza known about this chat for awhile or something?

elizadanvers: i have

gaydanvers: maggie you little snitch!

llbean: can’t say I’m surprised 

gaydanvers: shut up Luthor you’re gonna be a child of Eliza’s soon so you’re apart of this too 

elizadanvers: girls please 

elizadanvers: maggie only came to me one day about it because I asked her why Alex was grumpier than usual

gaydanvers: hey

gaydanvers: im not always grumpy 

gaydanvers: that’s untrue 

lildanvers: the only time you aren’t is after you get laid 

elizadanvers: see this is what I’m talking about 

elizadanvers: i think you all need to set boundaries within the chat 

gaydanvers: ive been saying that!!!

elizadanvers: Alexandra lets keep it civil please 

gaydanvers: fine

gaydanvers: i feel like I shouldn’t have to know so much about Lena and Kara’s sex life 

lildanvers: well I feel like I should be able to joke around about it occasionally 

maggic: I feel like we should all tone it down for a bit 

llbean: and I feel god in this chili’s tonight 

thebestlane: shut up Lena 

samariass: yeh no one has time for your The Office references 

elizadanvers: okay im going to go because I have chocolate pecan pie in the oven 

elizadanvers: but you girls will work this out 

lildanvers: Eliza are you seriously making some?

elizadanvers: i am 

gaydanvers: and you weren’t going to tell us?

elizadanvers: Kara eats it in one second when she’s here

elizadanvers: i just wanted to have this to myself for once

llbean: but it’s Kara’s favorite 

maggic: she lives for that stuff 

daddyv: even I know not to mess with that

lildanvers: cancelled 

lildanvers has removed elizadanvers

lildanvers: fakest mother I’ve ever had 

llbean: lmao I’d say the hologram in the DEO is faker 

llbean: BOOM ROASTED 

samariass: LENA FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO MORE OFFICE REMARKS 

llbean: WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME

samariass: IM NOT 

llbean: YOU’RE CAPITALIZING LETTERS FOR NO REASON

lildanvers: LENA THATS WHAT GAYS DO

llbean: ooh count me out then I’m straight 

lildanvers: really?

llbean: straighter than Winn on a Thursday 

lildanvers: but that’s when he sees Lyra for hate sex

llbean: exactly 

winnsdom: hey keep my sex life out of this

lildanvers: anyways lena stop 

llbean: stop what?

lildanvers: pretending that you’re straight

llbean: but I am

lildanvers: we literally make out and have sex all the time 

llbean: yeh but no homo tho

lildanvers: can someone tell my fiancée to stop being a little shit

llbean: damn let a girl have some fun why don’t you 

lildanvers: come over and I’ll show you exactly what fun looks like 

gaydanvers: i need a bleach cleanse 

maggic: orange juice coming right up ;)

gaydanvers: sigh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love The Office a lot sooooo sorry


	30. Vasquez? More like Fake Les.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this really quickly after my one-shot so if there's any typos lemme know also its just some classic hate on vasquez today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how the fuck am i already on chapter 30 so weird idek

llbean: umm who gave Kara two gallons of pineapple juice and told her to chug it

llbean: bc the girl is now passed out on the couch complaining that this is the first time she’s ever truly felt full in her life

gaydanvers: twas not i

maggic: nor i

kittyg: i know who it was

thebestlane: lmao you dont even have to tell us

samariass: yeh we all know it was vasquez

winnsdom: the video of Supergirl downing it all is climbing its way up the ranks of Youtube

brainalicious: i predict that it will have 10.7 million views by the end of the day

daddyv: is anyone going to let me defend myself?

maggic: nah

samariass: nah

gaydanvers: nah

llbean: Vasquez do you know what it’s like for me when Kara doesn’t feel well

llbean: DO YOU?

daddyv: well umm no

daddyv: not exactly

llbean: FIRST OF ALL she gets very very very irritated and starts shooting laser beams out of her eyes sporadically

gaydanvers: you’re her sugar mommy tho

maggic: yeh you can easily fix any damage she creates

llbean: not the point dipshits

llbean: she also gets so worked up over nothing but light cramps 

lildanvers: LENA YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

llbean: BUT I DO

llbean: god kara it’s not like you’ve solar flared

llbean: you’ll feel fine soon

lildanvers: IT WAS TWO GALLONS LENA

lildanvers: TWO

gaydanvers: but you didn’t have to drink it…?

maggic: tf kinda shit is she on

samariass: what is she like on her period i wonder

lildanvers: oh i barely feel a thing its pretty nice

kittyg: so then what’s your deal with this little situation

maggic: hey wait wait wait

maggic: alex and i just watched the clip of Kara chugging

gaydanvers: she’s smiling right after she finishes it

maggic: and the last ten seconds of the video too

llbean: Kara Danvers are you playing up how you feel just so you can get some attention from me

lildanvers: okay maybe i am over-exaggerating a little

llbean: …

lildanvers: alright i literally feel nothing

thebestlane: whoop there it is

samariass: you kryptonians and your dramatics

lildanvers: i am not dramatic

daddyv: sure and im not gay

llbean: hey fuck off vasquez

llbean: this whole situation is your fault

daddyv: does no one want to hear my side of the story still?

kittyg: if we took a vote the majority of this group chat would say they didnt care

gaydanvers: she right

lildanvers: i hate ur guts rn vasquez

llbean: i hate you bc kara does

samariass: im hating you just because lena and kara and alex do

thebestlane: im hating you bc lena and kara and alex and sam do

itsjess: hey i dont hate vasquez

petpeve: me either

llbean: shall i fire you two?

itsjess: sorry vasquez you suck

petpeve: yeh you suck

itsjess: eve you couldnt have made that sound a tiny bit convincing?

petpeve: sorry im not used to being mean

itsjess: where’s your backbone woman?

petpeve: uhhhh

itsjess: maybe i should slam you against the wall so that you’ll find it

lildanvers: wow that was beautiful to witness

lildanvers: lena our own jessica is a top after all

lildanvers: lena!

lildanvers: LENA

llbean: goddamn whatttttt do you wantttt

lildanvers: attention

llbean: i am literally underneath you right now what more could you want

gaydanvers: eww stop guys we were doing so well

llbean: oh this isn’t sexual in anyway

lildanvers: yeh im just laying on top of her so that she cant move and leave me

llbean: where do you think i would go anyways

lildanvers: idk i just like when youre beneath me

lildanvers: so warm and comfy

llbean: kara youre like a fucking space heater and this is not comfy for me whatsoever

lildanvers: text someone else about your problems

lildanvers: OW

llbean: you deserved that

gaydanvers: lmao what’d she do

samariass: guarantee lena rolled her off of her

samariass: she used to do that to me too

maggic: thought you said you guys never slept together

llbean: we didn’t

samariass: i just gave lena the affection she wasn’t getting with her fuck buddies

lildanvers: wow

lildanvers: hmmm

lildanvers: that’s lame

lildanvers: but im still mad you’ve touched my girl like that

thebestlane: lmao umm

kittyg: its like she forgot we touched Lena too

maggic: is hugging too much little danvers

maggic: cuz if so

maggic: im guilty

gaydanvers: yeh where is the limit kara

lildanvers: very funny guys

lildanvers: idk sam is just different

samariass: what how

lildanvers: you’re the only one that actively tried to get with my girl before

samariass: that you know of

samariass: before you guys were dating vasquez totally went after that

lildanvers: VASQUEZ GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE NOW

daddyv: fuck

lildanvers: is it true?

daddyv: id rather not answer that

lildanvers: LENA

llbean: whut u want whore

lildanvers: tell me vasquez didnt try and tap that 

lildanvers: ya know

lildanvers: do the do

llbean: you sound like a prude

lildanvers: just answer me Luthor

llbean: okay fine yes she did

llbean: and i didnt tell you bc i almost let it happen

lildanvers: you WHAT

llbean: im sorry but the line she used tho

llbean: i kinda got turned on

daddyv: yeh you did ;)

thebestlane: vasquez i would stop while you’re ahead

lildanvers: babe please tell me exactly what she did

llbean: you sure?

daddyv: god she’s gonna kill me

lildanvers: oh i absolutely am bc you knew i was into lena even then

daddyv: yeh but you were in such hardcore denial about it 

llbean: okay so basically this is how it went

llbean: i was at the DEO for some reason

llbean: and i was leaning against the control table in the middle ya know

gaydanvers: oh my god i think i remember this

maggic: shhhh babe 

gaydanvers: sorry sorry

llbean: well i made eye contact with vasquez and then she waggled a finger at me in kind of a “come here” motion

llbean: so i walked over to her and then she said

llbean: “see how easy it was to make you come with one finger? I bet i could do it better with two.”

llbean: yeh i got hella wet

lildanvers: VASQUEZ I TAUGHT YOU THAT LINE

daddyv: yeh i know

daddyv: you said you were gonna use it on lena one day

llbean: woah woah woah

llbean: that wasn’t even your line?

daddyv: …

llbean: wow

llbean: and to think i almost slept with you because of Kara’s intellect

lildanvers: vasquez you’re lucky you didn’t lay even a hand on her then

lildanvers: id have you six feet under ground by now

lildanvers: actually

lildanvers: more like 600

lildanvers: id yeet you so far into the earth’s crust 

llbean: V i hope you know im sitting on top of Kara now so she doesn’t come after you

lildanvers: yeh and im letting you

lildanvers: babe you know how easily i can flip you over

llbean: do it then 

llbean: i dare you

gaydanvers: vasquez bragged about it after ya know

gaydanvers: said she might get Luthor to sleep with her bc of her brilliance

gaydanvers: thats why i remember

gaydanvers: but i never learned what it was she actually said/did

samariass: im sorry but im still not over the fact that kara would actually yeet vasquez into the dirt

lildanvers: i would yeet her into space but Mon-El is there and even she doesn’t deserve that kind of torture

llbean: Ah Mon-El

llbean: in the words of the grinch

llbean: hate hate hate, hate hate hate, double hate, LOATHE ENTIRELY

maggic: wow we love a classic grinch ref

thebestlane: he is the only one who understands me

kittyg: ....

kittyg: do i not exist?

thebestlane: dude chill im just being dramatic

kittyg: mmm okay

gaydanvers: AM I JUST EATING BECAUSE IM BORED?

maggic: HELP ME! IM… FEELING!

kittyg: Kids today. So desensitised by movies and television.

winnsdom: wow lame

winnsdom: why you have to bring it back to reality?

kittyg: that is literally a quote from the movie winnslow

winnsdom: oh

winnsdom: i apologize then

doublen: get up to date on your facts winn

lildanvers: NIA!

lildanvers: where have you been 

lildanvers: you keep me sane

llbean: and i dont?

lildanvers: listen she is such a pure human being

llbean: and im not?

gaydanvers: im sorry is she being serious

maggic: lena you are in every way the opposite of pure

samariass: i onced walked in on you eating kara out so hard she squirted

thebestlane: yeah and cat and i have heard you use some…

kittyg: colorful obscenities if you will

thebestlane: and that’s putting it the tame way

llbean: false information i am the purest of the pure

llbean: what is sex

llbean: never heard of it

lildanvers: hey alex im celibate now too

gaydanvers: FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT CELIBATE

llbean: oh my god wait i was joking

llbean: kara let me eat you out 

lildanvers: eating out? isn't that something people do for dinner?

gaydanvers: ya know what 

gaydanvers: im starting to just get over this 

maggic: good for you babe

llbean: shhhhh you two

llbean: kara please ride my face

lildanvers: sorry the phrase “ride my face” is not in my database

lildanvers: please search again later

llbean: karaaaaaaaaaa

lildanvers: yes lena

llbean: i was kidding earlier and i need you to stop kidding too

lildanvers: god fine what

llbean: you had two gallons of pineapple juice

lildanvers: so?

llbean: you know what they say about it dont you?

lildanvers: i do

llbean: so lemme test it out please

lildanvers: so needy 

llbean: kara

lildanvers: fine

samariass: love a live special of their before-sex escapades

thebestlane: hey cat can i eat you out too for the hell of it?

kittyg: i mean im not gonna say no

maggic: al…

gaydanvers: you don’t even have to ask

maggic: sweet

samariass: wow it sucks being single

daddyv: hey im single too

samariass: not bottoming for you vasquez

daddyv: damn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long i literally dgaf about anything anymore :)


	31. Don't Get Liquid On The Leather Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone coming together in the name of milkshakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think ima have three parts to this. I couldn't give you the 6000 word version all at once, now could I?

gaydanvers: I think I ate too much

lildanvers: it was cheat day idk what to tell you

samariass: you guys have a cheat day?

lildanvers: every day is cheat day if you try hard enough 

gaydanvers: no kara I’m not talking about our breakfast this morning 

gaydanvers: im talking about going down on maggie seven times throughout the day 

gaydanvers: my jaw fucking hurts 

maggic: tell me it wasn’t worth it Danvers 

lildanvers: the fun thing about being a Kryptonian

lildanvers: is that no matter how many times I eat Lena out in a day 

lildanvers: my jaw barely even throbs like the pussy I’m licking 

llbean: love the stamina Kara 

lildanvers: and I love you

thebestlane: is everyone going to ignore the fact that Alex is not celibate anymore AND she’s killing it with the sexual shit 

lildanvers: hey I’m proud of her 

llbean: as am I 

maggic: sorry im still recovering from the last round but yeh she’s totally killing it 

maggic: well she’s killing me with that tongue of hers 

samariass: im surprised she isn’t calling Kara out rn tho

gaydanvers: ive finally found peace with this chat 

gaydanvers: also lucy hows celibacy working for you since cats been gone for a week 

thebestlane: i don’t like this new Alex 

lildanvers: i do 

lildanvers: it’s the sister I’ve always wanted 

llbean: lmao Kara remember when you told me we were like sisters once 

llbean: i nearly cried 

maggic: kara what the fuck 

samariass: scissor sisters sure

thebestlane: Lena I woulda cried with you hun

gaydanvers: that’s like a slap in the face to your crush 

lildanvers: I WAS TRYNA KEEP MY FEELINGS IN CHECK OKAY 

llbean: yeh well so was I but at least I never went THAT far 

gaydanvers: hey we all take things a little too far sometimes 

gaydanvers: just like how I took it too far with my oral sex skills today

lildanvers: you can never take it too far Alex 

gaydanvers: why aren’t you grossed out about hearing this 

lildanvers: idk just not 

samariass: GUYS HELP

llbean: what’s wrong sammy 

lildanvers: ^ yeh what she said 

samariass: i got this super hot, hot sauce all over my hand and idk what to do

gaydanvers: finger Vasquez 

daddyv: fuck you Alex 

daddyv: maggie control her 

maggic: uhh no?

maggic: I don’t want to

gaydanvers: that’s my girl 

samariass: I washed it off the best I could but what if there’s still a trace amount of it left 

samariass: my eye is itching guys 

gaydanvers: you have another hand ya know…

lildanvers: lmao I say that to Lena when she tells me her left one is cramping up 

llbean: im sorry but sometimes your pussy of steel really tests me

lildanvers: ya know what?

lildanvers: you’re totally right 

lildanvers: I apologize baby 

llbean: thank you 

thebestlane: why do we never actually talk about serious things or make plans in this chat? 

thebestlane: feels like I haven’t seen you guys in forever 

gaydanvers: you know who you also haven’t seen in forever…?

thebestlane: dont 

gaydanvers: your kitty 

thebestlane: and her little kitty too 

llbean: a tragedy 

lildanvers: suprised you haven’t asked me to fly you to her yet tho Luce 

thebestlane: she told me not to

thebestlane: said she was gonna be too busy with going over project proposals and taking meetings 

lildanvers: awh shucks Lucy that sucks 

lildanvers: speaking of sucks tho

lildanvers: why don’t I buy you a milkshake to cheer you up

thebestlane: extra thick? 

lildanvers: like Lena?

thebestlane: yeh

lildanvers: of course 

llbean: if you two are gonna compare me to a milkshake im coming 

lildanvers: lmao I suck you and you come 

lildanvers: you really are a milkshake baby 

llbean: i loathe you 

thebestlane: can the rest of you come too? 

gaydanvers: very capable 

daddyv: doesn’t take too long 

maggic: have many times today 

thebestlane: NO YOU FILTHY FUCKS

thebestlane: I WANT YOU TO JOIN US AT THE DINER 

gaydanvers: lmao I mean I guess 

llbean: if everyone comes, I’ll pay for shakes AND food 

gaydanvers: im in

gaydanvers: five inches deep in maggie

lildanvers: switched it up with the strap-on?

gaydanvers: mmm

lildanvers: well strap-off cuz if you guys don’t get over here, Lena doesn’t pay 

llbean: gold digger much?

lildanvers: i prefer the term sugar baby thank you very much 

llbean: if that helps you sleep at night 

lildanvers: you help me sleep at night 

llbean: probably because you pound me into exhaustion 

lildanvers: I’ve got to find some way to displace my energy from the day 

lildanvers: kryptonians don’t need much sleep but I want to wake up and go to sleep at the same time as you 

llbean: one might think that’s romantic

llbean: sounds like you’re just using me for my body tho

lildanvers: oh yeh I totally am 

lildanvers: definitely the only reason I’m marrying you 

lildanvers: the ONLY one

llbean: okay I’m done fucking around with you

llbean: im actually hungry as fuck right now 

lildanvers: babe but you just ate 

llbean: food Kara I want food 

thebestlane: hey I’m almost to Kara’s apartment

thebestlane: so you two better be dressed when I get there

llbean: define dressed 

lildanvers: lmao shut up Lena

lildanvers: you know panties aren’t gonna cut it 

llbean: fine fine 

daddyv: alright real talk I’m gonna head to the diner now with the two hornbags I just picked up 

maggic: rude 

daddyv: don’t get any liquids on the leather back there

gaydanvers: don’t text and drive

daddyv: we haven’t even pulled out of the parking lot yet 

gaydanvers: whatever 

daddyv: please just keep your hands to yourself it’s a three minute drive 

maggic: three minutes is more than enough

daddyv: THIS IS A DEO ISSUED CAR MAGGIE 

maggic: yeh yeh we’re not gonna do anything 

maggic: don’t get your panties in a twist

daddyv: boxers maggie 

maggic: my bad daddy 

gaydanvers: lmao earlier Vasquez said it doesn’t take long for her to come

gaydanvers: really is such a guy 

daddyv: fuck off Alex 

gaydanvers: but you told me not to get any “liquids” on the seat?

gaydanvers: you really have to be clearer Vasquez 

lildanvers: lmao just like the clear fluid that’ll be ruining that leather soon enough

maggic: nah we can control ourselves Kara 

lildanvers: was that a dig at me maggie?

maggic: no sorry didn’t mean for it to sound that way

maggic: im just waiting for fucking Vasquez to pull out 

llbean: lmao is anyone gonna make the pull out joke or should I? 

lildanvers: OKAY EVERYONE STOP FUCKING AROUND I WANT MY FOOD AND SHAKES 

llbean: shake*

lildanvers: bruh

llbean: you only get one 

lildanvers: whyyyyy

llbean: you know why

thebestlane: lmao Kara tried to finish Lena off before I got there 

llbean: yeh and you came in and screamed and Kara and I were dressed before I knew it 

thebestlane: I told you to be clothed!

llbean: you’ve seen us naked before tho!!

llbean: it would’ve taken like fifteen more seconds 

llbean: ten if you helped!

lildanvers: Lena we’re sorry 

thebestlane: Cat did give me permission to have a threesome with you two 

thebestlane: but lena if I had helped, I wouldn’t have stopped 

thebestlane: you don’t know how on edge I’ve been

lildanvers: we’ll let you play when we get back ;) 

lildanvers: maybe I’ll even BOTTOM for you for three seconds 

thebestlane: really?!

lildanvers: no absolutely not

lildanvers: just wait 

kittyg: KARA DANVERS YOU WILL NOT BOTTOM FOR LUCY BEFORE YOU BOTTOM FOR ME 

lildanvers: lmao

thebestlane: you’ve had your phone on you this whole time! 

thebestlane: and you can’t even text me back! 

thebestlane: AND Kara knew!?

kittyg: babe don’t be mad let me explain 

thebestlane: no I am mad 

kittyg: baby

thebestlane: I don’t care what you have to say 

kittyg: what if I tell you that Kara and I coordinated the milkshakes thing?

thebestlane: ...

thebestlane: ….no

thebestlane: tell me when I walk into the diner you’re not gonna be there 

thebestlane: tell me 

kittyg: :)

thebestlane: kara how did you manage this

lildanvers: cat texted me earlier and told me to figure out a way to get you the diner where she would be after her flight got out

thebestlane: how the fuck did you manage to slip the shake part in so smoothly tho

lildanvers: lmao you doubted me?

thebestlane: eh 

lildanvers: BOTTOM was my code word that we were almost there

thebestlane: and you got that in too?!

llbean: lmao I ask that when Kara adds a fourth finger 

lildanvers: im very skilled in what I do ladies 

kittyg: yeh okay guys would you all hurry up and get in here please

kittyg: I’ve got a sore back from those god awful seats in my jet and an appetite stronger than my hate for Mr. Olsen

kittyg: boy done screwed a lot of my work up while I was gone but I’m coming back 

lildanvers has added jolsen 

lildanvers: James 

jolsen: …?

lildanvers: you’re fired 

kittyg: couldn’t have done it any better myself 

kittyg: i taught you well Kara 

kittyg: straight to the point termination 

lildanvers has removed jolsen

kittyg: ill sadly have to go see him and talk to him later thought

winnsdom: why are you guys still mean to him

gaydanvers: why are you not driving to the diner right now 

winnsdom: well actually I ran into psi and imra and we’re at the arcade down the street from the diner so feel free to join after your gathering 

lildanvers: lmao psi playing video games 

lildanvers: nerd 

psichic: just because I’m not speaking in the chat doesn’t mean I don’t see everything 

saturnup: we’ll try and participate more but psi’s been busy showing me around the city

saturnup: she’s gettting me to try new things so that I don’t miss home too much 

lildanvers: wow so she does have a heart 

psichic: I also have a set of knives 

lildanvers: no mortal blade can kill me

psichic: what is she quoting 

saturnup: hell if I know 

lildanvers: i think it’s from some medieval show I saw once idk 

llbean: hey where’s Nia and Brainy

llbean: if the whole family going out, the whole family going out 

brainalicious: I am currently walking around the city with Nia

brainalicous: we’re also on a bit of a sight-seeing journey 

gaydanvers: meet us at the arcade after then 

samariass: im at the diner now guys 

kittyg: great are we missing anyone? 

winnsdom: im sure James might be feeling down 

winnsdom: we could invite him 

lildanvers: or we could uninvite you

winnsdom: ya know what

winnsdom: suddenly I had a change of mind

winnsdom: let’s not invite James 

lildanvers: whenever did you get such a brilliant idea? 

llbean: OH MY GOD JESS AND EVE!!

itsjess: fuck we were hoping you would forget us 

petpeve: I told you they would remember!

itsjess: well great now we have to leave our date and go join their little shindig 

llbean: JESSICA HUANG 

itsjess: shitttttt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 in due time. Ima try and get my other fics moving along soon. I have been hardcore procrastination Hey Puppy the most and she needs attention.


	32. Don't Get Liquid On The Leather Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said i had this ready but i totally lied. but it is 2000+ words and ive written part 3 and i also have the chapter after that done. i wrote thirty pages today and neglected hey puppy again. but these thirty pages were smoothed out by my "friend" hannah and im gonna put her username at the end of this message. so go give her ONE fic some love even tho she still wont update it whatever. its really good. also i am not doing a summary for the next four chapters cuz shit's too whylde. okay bye enjoy
> 
> >>>>>>>>CaptainCarter23<<<<<<<<<

daddyv: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT LIQUIDS IN THE VEHICLE 

gaydanvers: should’ve given an instruction manual 

lildanvers: CAN EVERYONE CALM DOWN THIS WHOLE NIGHT HAS GONE TO SHIT AND I NEED A FUCKING RECAP

llbean: damn Kara calm down I’m sure Alex will explain

gaydanvers: duh cuz I’m the best storyteller 

llbean: or you’re surprisingly the most sober

gaydanvers: im a functioning alcoholic

gaydanvers: my tolerance level is at an all time high right now

llbean: mine too

samariass: what they said

maggic: also partially same

lildanvers: i can out drink all of you

llbean: remember that time we turned on the red sun lamps and found out you were the lightest of light weights?

lildanvers: BREAK UP WITH ME

llbean: nah 

daddyv: SHUT UP

daddyv: i am going to kill all five of you if you dont sit your asses down back there

gaydanvers: calm down 

gaydanvers: maggie was only pretending to moan earlier 

gaydanvers: no clear liquids here

daddyv: im sorry but i also heard lena scream 

daddyv: and kara and her have a whole row to themselves!

daddyv: shit could be happening

lildanvers: nah she screamed because i spilled Alderbaraan rum

daddyv: THATS A LIQUID

llbean: yeah but it’s not clear so doesn’t count

daddyv: i said ANY liquid! not just clear! what is wrong with you people

samariass: hey it’s been a long night for us

gaydanvers: alright folks its recapppppppp time

llbean: ?

gaydanvers: what? 

gaydanvers: you didn’t like my intro Lena?

llbean: no comment

gaydanvers: ass

llbean: just speak woman

maggic: hey im the only one whos allowed to command her

maggic: so knock it off

lildanvers: well im the only one that’s allowed to command Lena

lildanvers: so you knock it off

maggic: …

maggic: okay

kittyg: maggie how does it feel to feel like less of a top because of kara

maggic: it sucks actually

gaydanvers: just like how lucy didn’t suck a milkshake tonight cuz her and cat were too busy ditching?

thebestlane: it’s been a whole week since i’ve seen her Alex

thebestlane: A WHOLE WEEK

gaydanvers: yeh yeh well anyways after you two fuckheads left us 

gaydanvers: kara, lena, sam, vasquez, maggie and I ordered a shit ton of food and shakes

lildanvers: i have never been so satisfied in my life

llbean: …

lildanvers: i felt full Lena!

llbean: you’re going to feel much fuller later i promise you that

lildanvers: scared and excited

llbean: dont be excited

llbean: i wont even need the sun lamps to make you sore in the morning

lildanvers: fuck

gaydanvers: AND THEN we were gonna skip the arcade because we were so full and could barely move

gaydanvers: but imra called kara and said that they had a large stuffed puppy she could win

lildanvers: i was outta there faster than,,,, well,,,, the flash 

daddyv: Kara that was lame

daddyv: but i had to drive all these other hoes since SOMEBODY took her car

thebestlane: im sorry that I took MY car so that i could fuck MY girlfriend

daddyv: you don’t sound apologetic at all

thebestlane: good thats what i was aiming for

gaydanvers: soooooooo is anyone going to let me continue

llbean: no one’s stopping you?

llbean: you’re just too much of a bottom to take over the conversation without permission

lildanvers: damn lena is coming after everybody today

lildanvers: bottom who?

gaydanvers: consider your DEO permissions rescinded 

llbean: like that would stop me from getting in and doing what i want

llbean: i could probably buy your building within the next twenty-four hours if i so desired

gaydanvers: OKAY GOD STOP LET ME CONTINUE

llbean: once again… not stopping you

gaydanvers: AGH

samariass: let me take the reigns 

daddyv: or i could do it

samariass: shut up and drive again vasquez 

samariass: so we get to the arcade and meet up with winn, imra, and psi

samariass: we’re all playing random games while we wait for brainy and nia to come

samariass: also jess and eve

gaydanvers: AND ONCE THEY ALL GET THERE

samariass: rude for interrupting

kittyg: will you just tell the whole story already

thebestlane: damn i couldve made cat come like three times by now

samariass: eye roll

gaydanvers: we all decide to go ham on this one game that gives you a bunch of tickets even if you lose

gaydanvers: because kara wanted the big fluffy dog so bad

gaydanvers: so everyone got their turn and was enjoying themselves 

gaydanvers: but when it was kara’s turn she used too much strength on the controller and destroyed it

maggic: lmao this is my favorite part of the night

gaydanvers: however this wasn’t a bad thing because a string of tickets started shooting out and didn’t stop until it was empty 

llbean: lmao quality double meaning

lildanvers: if you know you know

gaydanvers: so kara went up to claim this stuffed animal

llbean: i woulda bought it for her if she couldn’t have but i mean we had a fuck ton of tickets

gaydanvers: basically the girl at the counter was very impressed with the amount that kara had as she walked up there

gaydanvers: and this is what happened

llbean: WAIT

gaydanvers: WHAT

llbean: let me explain it since i nearly threw hands

gaydanvers: by all means

llbean: so the girl goes “wow you must be very talented if you managed to get this many tickets”

llbean: and kara just ignores her and asks for the puppy 

llbean: but the girl doesnt give up and says “what other talents do you have?”

llbean: and kara looks at me and says “im a lesbian, i dont have to elaborate”

lildanvers: and the girl still didnt get the hint after that!

llbean: then she said “ill give you the puppy for free if you go on a date with me”

llbean: and then kara said…

lildanvers: “date has four letters in it. just like the name of my beautiful girlfriend who is standing right next to me”

llbean: then i pulled kara in for a dramatic kiss just so the girl would be sure not to hit on her again

lildanvers: yep and after that we left because the girl made us uncomfortable

winnsdom: psi, imra, nia, brainy, and i left to grab dinner because we hadn’t had any yet

itsjess: well eve and i turned right around when we got there because we saw kara making out with lena while everyone was winning tickets for her 

samariass: which was rude of all of you because the rest of us went to a bar and did body shots off each other and a bunch of dares 

daddyv: and lets just say alex is now $300 richer and i had to make out with Sam like six times

samariass: well dont make it sound like a chore

daddyv: okay i did enjoy it

daddyv: but ive been on edge since i haven’t slept with anyone lately

daddyv: so i had to think of disgusting things so i wouldn’t get too into the kisses

samariass: that’s what that noise was? you moaning in disgust?

daddyv: sorry but you’re never going to bottom for me so i had to get it out of my mind

samariass: think of me a lot do you?

daddyv: no…

samariass: since we’re in traffic, mind if i climb up to the front seat?

daddyv: go for it

daddyv: but why

samariass: im going to come ease the part of you that’s been on edge

gaydanvers: really Arias?

maggic: hey you can’t blame her for wanting some action too

thebestlane: i think they’ve both been single for some time now

kittyg: yes but they’re both tops 

samariass: ill give in just for tonight

samariass: i mean not right now of course

samariass: probably just a light fingering while she’s driving

samariass: but then ill let her have control when we’re back

itsjess: god im glad we left you horny weirdos when we had the chance

peteve: we never even made it to them!

itsjess: and aren’t you glad we didnt?

petpeve: actually yeh

gaydanvers: hey why hasn’t lena said anything about jess also ditching the epic hangout 

maggic: hey alex stop moving your legs my head is comfy on them

gaydanvers: well i was tryna see what lena and kara are doing in the back row but i cant do that if you dont get off

maggic: im not moving

maggic: also its way too dark

gaydanvers: i could turn one my phone’s flashlight on

maggic: please dont im sleepy

gaydanvers: fine

gaydanvers: but seriously she should be mad that both of her assistants didn’t join

itsjess: hey i dont wanna get yelled at

itsjess: let it go

llbean: mmm sorry about that 

llbean: was busy

thebestlane: doing what? 

llbean: self-explanatory

gaydanvers: tell me you did not just do what i think you did to my sister while i was two rows up

lildanvers: Vasquez I may have gotten more liquid on the leather

gaydanvers: UNBELIEVABLE LENA

daddyv: THIS IS A GOVERNMENT ISSUED VEHICLE 

llbean: bruh chill i could just buy you another one

llbean: scratch that I could buy you like a whole fleet of them

daddyv: THIS IS GOING TO GO ON MY RECORD

llbean: calm down ill talk to the Director lmao

gaydanvers: dont even with me right now 

llbean: ugh but in all fairness im not the one who broke the rule about clear fluids!

lildanvers: babe how did you expect me not to come with what you were doing

lildanvers: i even stayed quiet for you!

lildanvers: and now you’re throwing me under the bus

daddyv: if there weren’t two fingers in my p*ssy right now, I would be mad

daddyv: but there are so whatever

kittyg: traffic must be whylde 

thebestlane: where even are you guys 

gaydanvers: is everyone going to ignore the fact that vasquez censored p*ssy

maggic: i mean you just did too

lildanvers: prude

gaydanvers: f*ck off Kara

lildanvers: wow you can’t even say f*ck anymore

lildanvers: celibacy must’ve had worse effects than we thought

gaydanvers: FOR THE LAST TIME STOP MAKING THE F*CKING CELIBATE JOKE

kittyg: seriously what is wrong with you all right now

thebestlane: sh*t must have gone even more way down tonight than we thought

llbean: wait a second 

llbean: BRAINY AND WINN

brainalicious: ha winnslow, it worked!

winnsdom: nailed it

llbean: UNDO THIS SH*T NOW

winnsdom: why would we do that?

lildanvers: why did you do it in the first place

doublen: they told me they did it because they needed a break from the filth

gaydanvers: there’s always a loophole

llbean: P U S S Y

llbean: F U C K

llbean: S H I T

gaydanvers: see ^ found one

itsjess has left the group

petpeve has left the group

llbean: wow even my own assistants are fed up

lildanvers: we don’t need them 

maggic: yeh we have enough power on our own

brainalicious: the lesbians are out of control 

winnsdom: guess we have to change it back

samariass: lets go lesbians

daddyv: classic reference

lildanvers: you two already done up there?

samariass: you two already done back there?

lildanvers: touche

llbean: this night has been way too whylde for my tastes

llbean: i have work in about two hours

lildanvers: no the fuck you dont

lildanvers: you’re your own boss

lildanvers: you need to cancel it and get some sleep

llbean: i think the real reason you want me to stay home is so that I can fill you up like i promised

lildanvers: can you blame me for wanting seven inches of pure ecstasy?

llbean: can you blame me for wanting to sleep after this shitshow of a hangout?

lildanvers: …

llbean: im just messing with you 

llbean: of course ill fuck when we get home

lildanvers: hey sam where are we by the way

lildanvers: cuz i feel like vasquez could’ve dropped us all off already

samariass: lmao so actually we’re not dropping any of you off

samariass: apparently our night isn’t over

samariass: i know you guys can’t see back there since the windows are blacked out

samariass: but according to Vasquez 

samariass: we’re going to Metropolis

maggic: im sorry but what the fuck 

llbean: some of us have things (read: Kara) to do!

gaydanvers: and most of us have work soon Susan

daddyv: dont susan me

daddyv: we’re going to prank Clark

lildanvers: wait…

lildanvers: Clark as in… my cousin Clark?

daddyv: Yup

daddyv: And Superman himself will never see it coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long for those of you who enjoy this. college is a pain in the ass and i also just text my girlfriend all the time instead of writing so blame her ;) okay im done typing for the day damn my wrists hurt (kidding. they're always ready to do more lmao)
> 
> also im on tumblr at StormiJ i always forget to include that


	33. Don't Get Liquid On The Leather Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two people make a special apperance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final part

lildanvers: that’s your plan?!

llbean: that’ll never work vasquez

llbean: you shouldve consulted with the smart people

daddyv: will you guys have faith in me for once? 

gaydanvers: everytime we do have faith in you

gaydanvers: you always prove us wrong

daddyv: evidence?

lildanvers: umm you told me you were going to take me to a sex shop with you because something in your box sparked my interest but you never did

llbean: yeah and one time you said you wouldn’t call me a whore anymore for making out with Kara yet you still do it

maggic: i dont even work at the DEO and ive seen you promise the people in charge of you that you’d get your paperwork done on time

thebestlane: she told me that once but i ended up doing a whole stack of it myself

samariass: lmao she said she wouldn’t ever bottom for me but after she came she told me and i quote “okay maybe i would bottom but only for you”

daddyv: FAKE

daddyv: ALL OF YOU 

daddyv: but please though will you just have faith in me this ONE time

daddyv: im not asking much

lildanvers: just like how im not asking you to turn this vehicle around so i can get home and let Lena rail me?

daddyv: whos the bottom now

lildanvers: still you

daddyv: I AM NOT

samariass: yes she is guys

daddyv: im gonna drive us off a cliff in a second if you guys dont shut up

llbean: and damage government property?

llbean: i thought you were better than this

daddyv: hey kara i see a guardrail ahead

daddyv: i think its the closest thing you’re going to get tonight to what you want when i slam into it

llbean: you would think finally having an orgasm after months would take you off edge

llbean: but you’re still a prick and also we’re back in traffic

lildanvers: yeh we can all feel that the van isn’t moving

daddyv: i have a smoke grenade 

daddyv: i will not be afraid to toss it back there 

gaydanvers: do it i dare you

gaydanvers: because you’ll find yourself out of a job faster than kara thinks she is

lildanvers: are you kidding me?

lildanvers: i am faster than the flash!

gaydanvers: you most certainly are not

samariass: yeh there’s a reason why he has that name

lildanvers: and?

lildanvers: my name is Supergirl

lildanvers: which means im SUPER in everything i do

llbean: shes not wrong

llbean: well except for your cooking skills

lildanvers: the reason why im not good at that is because i have been conditioned to love junk food and junk food rarely needs to be cooked

lildanvers: chips? bagged.

lildanvers: candy? packaged. 

lildanvers: soda? bottled. 

thebestlane: delivery? Digiorno.

gaydanvers: hotel? Trivago.

lildanvers: ruiners

lildanvers: that’s what you two are

llbean: i am also a ruiner 

llbean: kara’s panties? absolutely wrecked.

gaydanvers: your face is about to be wrecked

lildanvers: it usually is anyways after i go down on kara

lildanvers: nice one babe but

lildanvers: alex if you lay a hand on her, the heat vision comes out

gaydanvers: damn we get it you have cool abilities whatever

gaydanvers: but Barry is still faster

llbean: nah i still beg to differ

llbean: her fingers can move so fast inside me that I reach transcendence 

gaydanvers: i care about none of that

gaydanvers: literally n o n e of that

gaydanvers: i just think, in a race, barry would win

winnsdom: wow i thought that was my name for a second and that you actually all remembered and cared about me

lildanvers: sorry winnie not today

lildanvers: we’re busy

lildanvers: i have to prove alex wrong

lildanvers has added flashdrive

lildanvers: barry am i faster than you?

flashdrive: kara what is this

llbean: the real question is, what is that username?

llbean: what a nerd

flashdrive: hey Iris picked it out!

flashdrive: … she said it was cute

llbean: weren’t there any other better options?

flashdrive: she also suggested “flashlightofmylife” 

flashdrive: and my username was even “herlightningrod” for awhile

flashdrive: but then everyone back home kept making sexual jokes about it

lildanvers has changed flashdrive to barryinlove

barryinlove: nice play on words

lildanvers: honestly you were just making me sick with the usernames that Iris came up with

lildanvers: even im not that gross

gaydanvers: IM SORRY HALT

kittyg: is she serious

samariass: do we have to go back through the thousands of messages and tell her exactly how gross she has been

thebestlane: she knows because we’ve even told her while she would say this shit

lildanvers: okay fine i admit it

lildanvers: but lets not recount anything right now

lildanvers: barry is too innocent

barryinlove: i am not innocent!

lildanvers: yeh sure and im not faster than you tf

barryinlove: that’s what this is about?

gaydanvers: she seems to think that she can outrun you

barryinlove: kara im a speedster

lildanvers: and im supergirl

lildanvers: speed also happens to be one of my abilities

barryinlove: alright fine

barryinlove: if you beat me in a race...

lildanvers: when i beat you*

barryinlove: IF you beat me in a race, then i will bring you to the Big Belly Burger on my earth since you claim it tastes better

lildanvers: yes!

llbean: lmao she just raised her fist in the air

lildanvers: leave me alone Lena 

lildanvers: im going to taste something really good soon

llbean: i have something good you can taste right now though

barryinlove: eww Lena

lildanvers: see ^ innocent

barryinlove: i am not innocent! I just didn’t expect this kind of language

barryinlove: next time ill just add a comment too

lildanvers: you couldn’t keep up if you tried

llbean: just like how Kara’s not gonna be keeping her head up in a second

llbean: you’re cockblocking me Barry 

barryinlove: is there a better term for cockblocking when it comes to lesbians?

llbean: if there was one, i would’ve used it nimrod

llbean: or should i say “herlightningrod”

barryinlove: hey! anything Iris does for me i appreciate!

llbean: still cockblocking technically works especially since the one i wear is probably bigger than the one you have 

barryinlove: does everyone in this groupchat really put up with you two?

gaydanvers: sadly yes

samariass: every day

maggic: far too often

kittyg: we dont know why

thebestlane: we are all kind of like her too tho

psichic: not i

saturnup: yeh psi and i keep it toned down

winnsdom: i also manage to keep it PG

lildanvers: winn you’ve got a G rating shoved so far up your ass we can see it when you swallow

lildanvers: this boy really thinks he is PG

llbean: winn you have the innocence of a three day old kitten

winnsdom: see barry

winnsdom: they really out here just roasting everybody

gaydanvers: grow a backbone then schott

gaydanvers: if a roast hurts you in this group chat, clearly it’s because you have issues of your own

barryinlove: kara please just tell me when you want to have this race so i can leave 

lildanvers: well im kind of on my way to prank Clark right now

barryinlove: your cousin?

barryinlove: why?

lildanvers: idk Vasquez wanted to so I kind of went along with it

barryinlove: but he’s your cousin

lildanvers: and Lena’s my fiancee but even I would prank her

barryinlove: YOU’RE ENGAGED?!

lildanvers: ohhhhhhhhhhh

lildanvers: that’s what i forgot to tell you

lildanvers: hey barry..

barryinlove: what

lildanvers: im engaged

barryinlove: i can’t believe you

barryinlove: i know we live on different earths but how could you forget to tell me this?!

lildanvers: don’t get your boxers in a twist now

lildanvers: wouldn’t want you to get flash rash

barryinlove: wow very funny Kara

barryinlove: but does anyone on Earth-1 know?

lildanvers: still dont understand why you’re Earth-1 

lildanvers: do you think you’re better than us Barry? huh?

barryinlove: kara you know why

barryinlove: i explained the entire multiverse theory to you when we met

lildanvers: damn Barry i was just fucking around

barryinlove: oh

lildanvers: but i totally am number 1

llbean: she’s also number 1 in the bedroom

lildanvers: well im not the one who comes first...

llbean: dont be a smartass when you know what i meant

lildanvers: oh I know babe. you meant im number 1 in the skies, number 1 in your thighs ;)

llbean: my favorite place for you bc youre number 1 in the streets and number 1 in the sheets

barryinlove: god enough already

barryinlove: make it stop

gaydanvers: there’s not an off button

gaydanvers: for either of them 

gaydanvers: you learn to take it as it comes

lildanvers: ^ when Lena’s gushing all over my face

llbean: wow im proud of us today

llbean: we’re killing the game

barryinlove: this isn’t a game! I just want to know when this race is happening

lildanvers: actually im cancelling the race

lildanvers: im just going to ask your wife her opinion

lildanvers has added westnileiris

lildanvers: hey iris… question

westnileiris: what’s up Kara?

lildanvers: who’s faster, me or your husband?

westnileiris: depends in which context you’re asking ;)

lildanvers: barry even your wife is already in on the filth and she just got here!

barryinlove: we can’t all have the sexual prowess of a greek goddess!

westnileiris: oh my god barry your new username is amazingggg

barryinlove: thanks! Kara came up with it.

llbean: iris’ is still better than yours

lildanvers: babe barry’s is so much better 

lildanvers: wait now that i see both their usernames tho… eww

llbean: its like he’s lovesick for iris

llbean: or in his case actually sick

llbean: IRIS IM CHANGING YOUR NAME CUZ I HATE IT NOW

lildanvers: bruh remember how earlier you said that thing about Alex not needing permission to speak again and she should just do it

lildanvers: you should’ve just changed it and not announced it

gaydanvers: ooh called out

llbean: once again 

llbean: BREAK UP WITH ME

lildanvers: my answer is still no

llbean has changed westnilevirus to irisgoeswest

irisgoeswest: points for creativity Lena

irisgoeswest: but most of the time i go south

lildanvers: can we keep her

llbean: wow we finally found another person to match us

gaydanvers: hey maggie and i keep up pretty well

maggic: and we can dish it out too

samariass: also slightly offended but most of the time im just laughing at everything so

daddyv: idec at this point because both danvers sisters hate me

daddyv: so i wont be arguing for my case

lildanvers: shut up you guys im trying to come up with a new name for barry

lildanvers has changed barryinlove to barriedinsideofyou

barriedinsideofyou: KARA!

lildanvers: what is so wrong with that?!

irisgoeswest: yeh what is so wrong when that’s 100% accurate 

barriedinsideofyou: i 100% want to disappear right now

barriedinsideofyou has left the group

lildanvers has added barriedinsideofyou

lildanvers: you can’t slip out that easily

irisgoeswest: he can’t slip out easily after he comes either

lildanvers: you have those thighs of steel too?

irisgoeswest: not like yours, but id say they come close, wouldn’t you Barry?

llbean has changed barriedinsideofyou to barryembarrassed

llbean: i think we’ve taken things too far with him 

llbean: he may actually be more pure than we thought

irisgoeswest: yeh his face is totally red right now

irisgoeswest: it’s brighter than Kara’s cape 

irisgoeswest: i mean usually his little flash is this red too

gaydanvers: god tell me you did not just call his you know what 

gaydanvers: little flash

gaydanvers: because that’s what i call tmi

irisgoeswest: votes?

samariass: eh it was a little much

daddyv: didn’t appreciate it

thebestlane: dicks are just not our thing

kittyg: i think we’re all a little too gay for that one

llbean: yeh i didn’t need to hear that 

llbean: haven’t seen a dick in a long time

lildanvers: i mean i would hope so

llbean: SERIOUSLY BREAK UP WITH ME PLEASE 

lildanvers: i love when youre this dramatic

llbean: and i love you

barryembarrassed: why can’t you guys just keep it sweet like the moment you had there?

lildanvers: who is that fun for?

llbean: certainly not I

irisgoeswest: alright barry lets just go

irisgoeswest: i no longer feel welcome

lildanvers: sorry that the lesbianism in this chat runs just as strong as our hate for dicks

irisgoeswest: its okay i respect you

gaydanvers has changed irisgoeswest to irispectyou

lildanvers: i like the attempt alex

lildanvers: its not bad

gaydanvers: appreciate it

lildanvers: you know what i appreciate?

lildanvers: the big belly burger that cisco is going to vibe over because im faster

barryembarrassed: fine kara i give in

barryembarrassed: but only because im…

llbean: very embarrassed? 

llbean: or should i say…

barryembarrassed: NO

irispectyou: we’ll chat with you all another time

barryembarrassed: ^ what she said

irispectyou has left the group

barryembarassed has left the group

samariass: hey barry just reminded me that we haven’t made any that’s what she said jokes lately

llbean: do we have to?

lildanvers: right now?

llbean: because we’re still not gonna be in metropolis for awhile

llbean: and kara and i are both very cranky about that

lildanvers: yeh we have no energy left

samariass: you two were just fine a few seconds ago!

lildanvers: were we tho?

llbean: sounds fake

samariass: hey vasquez may not be able to throw this smoke grenade

samariass: but i sure as hell can

gaydanvers: no the fuck you cannot

samariass: …

samariass: okay maybe i cant

samariass: but thats beside the point

samariass: you two need to stop acting like this

lildanvers: fine but only if you get Vasquez to stop for pizza

llbean: and also for a bathroom break cuz Kara and I have both been having orgasms back here

gaydanvers: i hate you two

llbean: twas a joke

maggic: was it tho?

llbean: no not at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is disgusting. you're all going to hate it. k bye.


	34. No Chance, No Way, I Won't Say I'm... A Lesbian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a short boi, only 1000 words, but in all fairness i have to make the next one long based on the ending of this one

daddyv: i really didn’t think i needed to implement a rule about throwing up in the van

daddyv: but here i am cleaning up YOUR puke Kara

lildanvers: i said i was sorry

daddyv: i am never letting any of you in my vehicle again

gaydanvers: technically its my vehicle

gaydanvers: also Maggie Lena Sam and I didn’t do anything!

daddyv: yes but you all watched her projectile vomit all over the seats!

lildanvers: you bought too much pizza

daddyv: NO ONE SAID YOU HAD TO EAT IT ALL

samariass: she even said it was for the rest of the road trip

samariass: there was no time limit on eating it

lildanvers: warm pizza doesn’t hit the same

llbean: you all know that she’s going to be hungry again in a few minutes

llbean: the entire contents of her stomach is all in the back

maggic: im surprised all of us got out unscathed

llbean: also who let kara have two boxes of pacific cooler caprisun

samariass: she asked me to get some from the convenient store next to the pizza place so i figured two boxes was how much she needed 

llbean: well you way over calculated that one Einstein

samariass: why are you getting mad at me?!

samariass: karas the one who knows how much she can consume!

llbean: oh you’re right

llbean: KARA

lildanvers: wut

llbean: get out of the bathroom and come help clean up the mess you made

lildanvers: i cant i still feel sick

lildanvers: lena did you see how much i threw up?!

llbean: we all did babe

gaydanvers: that shit defied gravity

maggic: it was disgusting

samariass: wait a second how did she even manage to throw up in the first place

maggic: yeh kara i thought you had a stomach of steel too

lildanvers: idk idk idk

daddyv: oh fuck

daddyv: i may know

llbean: what did you do to my Kryptonian

daddyv: you guys know how i went to the back to look for my wallet?

gaydanvers: yeh and?

daddyv: well i have a couple of red sun lamps back there that may have turned on when i was searching

llbean: you’re lucky you’re elbow deep in the contents of Kara’s stomach right now

daddyv: it was an accident!

llbean: won’t be an accident when i make Alex kick your ass

gaydanvers: sorry can’t damage government property

daddyv: im not owned by the government!

gaydanvers: you work for us

gaydanvers: pretty much the same thing

lildanvers: im sorry i didnt notice that i was a bit human

lildanvers: i was just too hungry and i ate really fast

llbean: it’s okay kara you didn’t know

gaydanvers: yeh we all just want you to feel better

lildanvers: can we please just go home?

daddyv: yeh once i finish cleaning this out

daddyv: im really sorry kara

brainalicious: well the bad news vasquez is that it appears you are at 27% for both danvers sisters 

brainalicious: the good news is that you are at 73% with sam 

samariass: cheer up vasquez

daddyv: hard to do when you’re trying to text in the chat every few minutes and scrub the chunks of pizza off the interior walls

gaydanvers: why don’t i just get another agent to pick us up

llbean: or i could get someone to pick us up in about five minutes

samariass: you can do it that fast?

llbean: that’s what she said

samariass: dammit lena!

llbean: you wanted it earlier, im giving it now

samariass: it’s not the same anymore

llbean: alright one of my drivers is on the way

samariass: sigh

samariass: but thanks 

\---

llbean: L is for the way I look at lube

lildanvers: O is for the orgasms I go through

llbean: V is very very, good and necessary

lildanvers: E is even more than anyone that you adore can (come)

samariass: nO

gaydanvers: somehow I don’t think that’s right

daddyv: would you guys shut up with the song already

maggic: hey i kinda liked it

thebestlane: would you guys just hurry the f*ck up and get back again already

samariass: who blocked swear words in the group chat again?!

winnsdom: it wasn’t brainy and i this time

brainalicious: yes we swear to you

gaydanvers: you guys are a bunch of pussies for not owning up to it

lildanvers: ha someone missed pussy

thebestlane: wait a second…

thebestlane: CAT!

kittyg: yes dear?

thebestlane: you are the culprit

kittyg: i know not of which you speak

thebestlane: …

kittyg: okay fine it was me

thebestlane: do you know how obvious you made it by not blocking out pussies

kittyg: hey it was funny while it lasted

samariass: im sorry but can we please get back to the fact that kara and lena won’t stop changing the lyrics to all these songs

llbean: and we’ll keep doing it because Kara is still not feeling well

lildanvers: until we are back home I am not stopping

lildanvers: YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM LIVING A

llbean: GAY GAY DREAM

lildanvers: THE WAY YOU TURN ME ON

llbean: I CAN’T EAT

lildanvers: LET’S EAT PUSSY AND DON’T EVER LOOK BACK

llbean: DON’T EVER LOOK BACK

samariass: STOP RUINING GOOD SONGS

gaydanvers: ya know im kinda liking this too

maggic: i knew you would enjoy the sapphic lyricism eventually Danvers

gaydanvers: yeh yeh shut up

maggic: love you too

gaydanvers: …

gaydanvers: love you :)

thebestlane: that was disgusting in all the best ways

thebestlane: you guys might be my new favorite couple

llbean: im sorry but WHY WERE WE DEMOTED

lildanvers: yeh ^ what she said

thebestlane: idk you guys are both just so cute i guess it just comes down to the fact that they’re married and have been together longer

lildanvers: umm lena and i are also married tf

llbean: KARA!

lildanvers: shit i let it slip

gaydanvers: YOU GOT MARRIED?

maggic: WITHOUT US PRESENT?

samariass: where when how why what 

daddyv: not even surprised at this point

winnsdom: is anyone gonna say congrats?

doublen: shut up winn

doublen: my moms got married and did not tell me

kittyg: mom my ass

kittyg: i am practically kara’s mom i raised her!

lildanvers: nah fake eliza raised me, also had a mom before that too soooo

kittyg: you know what i meant Kiera

lildanvers: whatever

lildanvers: also thanks Winn

winnsdom: its nice to be mentioned in the chat again

brainalicious: congratulations mrs and mrs danvers

llbean: it’s Luthor-Danvers

lildanvers: hell yeh it is

gaydanvers: KARA I AM GOING TO FILET YOUR ASS IF YOU DONT EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW

lildanvers: damn okay okay chilllllllll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha classic youre all welcome. bet youre wondering when the fuck they got married love that for you all
> 
> also the title of this fic is cuz i wanted to change another song. just watched hercules for the first time, lol thanks hannah, and yeh what a song


	35. CHAOS (Can't Handle An Outburst of Sapphism)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys this is almost 4000 fucking words.... i wrote this all today.... what the fuck i cant. thankfully had my friend help me again and she's brilliant but damn i promise you all i am not writing this groupchat for awhile oh my god im done this is way too much content. it has drained me entirely of sexual innuendos and what nots. idek just have this and run with it. i dont think any of you can even comment on the major amount of words. its so much holy fuck.

lildanvers: okay so remember that time I added J’onn to the group chat and asked him to take over Supergirl duties for a couple of days because I made that filthy comment? 

maggic: ha is that the comment that made Alex smile like the fucking joker?

lildanvers: exactly that

maggic: classic 

gaydanvers: yeh yeh we all remember just go on 

lildanvers: anyways Lena and I ended up going to midvale to visit Eliza since she hadn’t seen us since the engagement 

llbean: and also because Kara wanted the chocolate pecan pie that she made 

lildanvers: SHE WASNT GOING TO TELL ME LENA 

llbean: its your fault your mother didn’t want to share 

llbean: its like you have two stomachs 

lildanvers: i have two hands that im about to throw 

llbean: …

lildanvers: ...throw around you into a massive hug because I love you 

llbean: that’s more like it 

lildanvers: you could say I love you back -_-

gaydanvers: GUYS 

llbean: does she need something?

lildanvers: what’s with all the yelling? 

gaydanvers: im going to murder you both if you don’t hurry up and tell the fucking story 

llbean: isn’t she supposed to be against committing crimes?

lildanvers: murder is a very serious offense Director

gaydanvers: for the love of God 

lildanvers: more like in the love of Rao because Lena and I have been wearing our bracelets for months 

samariass: bracelets?

llbean: its a Kryptonian marriage tradition 

samariass: i was wondering why you two could say you were married when I didn’t see any rings 

llbean: well we figured the engagement rings and the bracelets would bring both our beliefs together 

lildanvers: stronger together babe

llbean: el mayarah 

maggic: you still haven’t told us when the ceremony happened exactly 

maggic: was Eliza there?

lildanvers: yep she was our witness 

llbean: we just couldn’t wait any longer to be married 

gaydanvers: you couldn’t have waited a few minutes to call us all and have J’onn fly us there to witness what would have been the wedding of the year?!

lildanvers: i have a feeling someone else will be having the wedding of the year 

maggic: what do you know that we don’t know 

lildanvers: oh nothing

llbean: oh c’mon Kara just tell them

samariass: who could possibly have a better wedding than the leading superhero and billionaire of the city?

lildanvers: Clark and Lois 

daddyv: they’re getting married?!

lildanvers: that’s what I just said 

daddyv: oh shit 

lildanvers: what Vasquez?

daddyv: i forgot to call off part one of my prank 

daddyv: and I don’t think they’re gonna like it 

gaydanvers: what do you mean part one!!?

daddyv: i mean there’s a few agents on their way to the Kent Farm to fake apprehend him with kryptonite handcuffs 

gaydanvers: you used more DEO resources for this?! 

maggic: lol I wonder what the rest of part one is 

gaydanvers: Maggie you can sleep on the floor tonight 

maggic: what why?!

gaydanvers: because you think this is funny

gaydanvers: but it won’t be when you’re getting rug burn from sleeping on the carpet 

maggic: well I should probably make up for all the times you’ve gotten rug burn 

samariass: is this… is this some kinky shit I smell?

samariass: why yes it is 

lildanvers: SUSAN!

daddyv: what Kara?! there’s nothing I can do at this point 

lildanvers: well you know I can’t intervene! 

llbean: true cuz there’s no way in hell shes flying without any calories in her system 

gaydanvers: well let’s get the girl some fucking cookies and stop this bitch 

maggic: wait I’m sorry yes we can get her cookies great but why can’t we call off the agents 

daddyv: because I can’t Maggie alright?

daddyv: it was all part of my elaborate plan 

thebestlane: clearly it wasn’t that elaborate if you didn’t even think it out

kittyg: Vasquez I thought you didn’t drink tonight so, weren’t you of sound mind?

daddyv: this had nothing do with my mind

daddyv: in my heart I knew I wanted to prank a Kryptonian 

samariass: you could’ve pranked Kara 

gaydanvers: Vasquez would’ve lost an arm

llbean: people know not to mess with my wife 

gaydanvers: do not start with this wife shit 

llbean: i don’t know what you’re talking about considering when you and Maggie first got married...

llbean: ...that is all I heard about 

llbean: “my wife brought me lunch” “my wife came to visit” “my wife left this hickey”

gaydanvers: i never said that last one!

llbean: im paraphrasing 

gaydanvers: there is literally nothing I would say that even resembles that!

llbean: you had to have said something close to that 

thebestlane: ^ we all remember that one day you came in to work

daddyv: you don’t get bruises on your neck “from the training room” 

maggic: hell nah she doesn’t 

gaydanvers: shut up Jaws 

samariass: i thought the name of that shark was Bruce 

thebestlane: no that was Finding Nemo 

lildanvers: this conversation is a train wreck

kittyg: sharkbait hoo ha ha

llbean: of all the Nemo quotes 

llbean: that is THE one I would not expect Cat Grant to pick

kittyg: i suffer from short-term memory loss so couldn’t remember any of the other quotes 

lildanvers: wow

lildanvers: someone’s a little too into that movie

kittyg: hey Lucy and I reached a pivotal point in our relationship because of it 

llbean: let me guess

llbean: i bet you guys were watching it and yknow just sitting on the couch and all

llbean: and then you got to the part where it says “I’m gonna touch the butt.”

llbean: nothing unfolding yet until it says “he touched the butt”

llbean: and then the sexual tension burst like a damn and you guys slept together for the first time 

kittyg: …

thebestlane: …

kittyg: that’s actually pretty much what happened 

kittyg: except Lucy said “I want to touch the butt” while looking directly at me 

gaydanvers: that was disgusting to read 

gaydanvers: first of all, Lena, what the fuck

gaydanvers: second of all, how did you even manage to guess that

llbean: i didn’t want to guess it 

llbean: but it was glaringly obvious when Lucy texted me a string of emojis involving a peach, a fish, and a boat 

lildanvers: babe even my skills of deduction could still not have picked up on that 

llbean: what skills of deduction 

lildanvers: wow my own wife is coming after me

llbean: well you didn’t marry me for my kindness 

lildanvers: you right…

lildanvers: i married you for that asssss

llbean: of course you did 

lildanvers: i shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy

llbean: never disrespect my ass like that again Kar

lildanvers: sorry Lee

daddyv: you guys made me ink… cuz that was fucking nasty Kara 

lildanvers: Awh look Vasquez is cultured 

llbean: woah woah woah don’t come after my wife Susan

maggic. woah now I can see how the wife thing must have been annoying 

samariass: first you were all like "whoa", and we were like "whoa", and you were like "whoa..."

gaydanvers: if ONE more person makes a reference to Finding fucking Nemo, I’m going to filet Kara’s ass like I was going to earlier 

lildanvers: but why would you say filet when fish are friends, not food 

gaydanvers: JFC HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS RIDE 

llbean: we’re almost back to national city calm down Peach

gaydanvers: tell me you did not just compare me to an anxious starfish

llbean: if that helps you get through the rest of this ride, sure

gaydanvers: get back to your sapphic lyricism 

gaydanvers: at least that wasn’t half bad

llbean: kara pick a song 

llbean: we have to please your sister 

llbean: she’s scaring me the way she’s looking at me right now

lildanvers: you’re in my lap calm down she wont try anything

gaydanvers: give me the song and no one gets hurt

llbean: damn okay

llbean: at least have maggie hold you so you can chill out and stop looking at me like that

maggic: already got it handled little luthor

lildanvers: alright let me think….

llbean: ive got one

llbean: be creative kara

lildanvers: we always end up with a great end product idk why you have to tell me

samariass: oh my god shut up already and give us the good

llbean: never gonna give sex up

lildanvers: never gonna stop going down

llbean: always gonna turn around

lildanvers: and spank you

maggic: always gonna make you mine

gaydanvers: always gonna say oh my

maggic: always gonna make you come

gaydanvers: and squirt too

samariass: that was honestly beautiful to witness

thebestlane: participation medals to maggie and alex

kittyg: im sorry participation medals? 

kittyg: they CARRIED the song at the end

daddyv: how about points to all of them 

lildanvers: this isn’t hogwarts susan

llbean: yeah you don’t just give points to all the houses

daddyv: damn you two are clearly in a house of your own with that attitude

lildanvers: ill have you know you are right for once because we are both gryffindors

llbean: um babe I hate to break this to you but im a slytherin…

daddyv: omg did you say I was right?!?!?

gaydanvers: Vasquez shut up no one cares

gaydanvers: lena what do you mean you’re a slytherin 

lildanvers: dont question my wife alex

lildanvers: LENA WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE A SLYTHERIN

gaydanvers: … really Kara?

llbean: kara how the fuck did you not know i was a slytherin

maggic: is this because you’re a Luthor, Luthor?

lildanvers: babe you’re more than your name

lildanvers: plus it’s Luthor-Danvers now 

llbean: um thats not why im a slytherin Maggie 

llbean: not all slytherins are evil 

samariass: well...most of them areeeee

kittyg: I’ll have you know I am a slytherin Ms Arias…

thebestlane: I mean you did say you wanted to take over the world in bed the other day babe

kittyg: your point??

lildanvers: a world run by cat grant sounds pretty great tbh

kittg: thank you Kiera

lildanvers: i thought we were over the whole Kiera thing 

llbean: anyway…

llbean: im ambitious, cunning, and resourceful ergo slytherin bitch

llbean: plus the motto is “do what is necessary” and i always do what is necessary to make kara come

lildanvers: yeah you do!

lildanvers: but you’re still not a slytherin

gaydanvers: that was an explanation i didnt need

lildanvers: you asked for it. literally.

maggic: you totally did babe

gaydanvers: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE MARGARET 

maggic: not now alex, we have more important issues to address 

maggic: like how luthor actually thinks she’s a slytherin

winnsdom: yeah Lena you and I are #RAVENCLAW4LYFE obvi

winnsdom: science bro fist bump

samariass: you’re all wrong

samariass: this soft bitch is the biggest closeted hufflepuff

maggic: yo sam has a point though, bitch is a loyal ass hoe

doublen: and a fair, patient, dedicated boss ass CEO 

lildanvers: shes definitely dedicated to making me come

lildanvers: but stop sucking up to your mom nia, you just want to be in the same house as her

doublen: a girl can dream

lildanvers: proud of you for that pun hun

lildanvers: but back off because my wife is a GRYFFINDOR

lildanvers: she is the most courageous person i know and dares to defy people’s expectations every day with her kind, creative, brilliant mind and soul!

lildanvers: she is so amazing she could perfectly be in any house but she chooses to be brave!!!

llbean: is that really what you think Kar?

lildanvers: of course it is babe, you save the world like every day. you’re braver than Supergirl

gaydanvers: she has to be brave to be married to you

maggic: damn it babe, why did you have to ruin such a beautiful moment

samariass: alex you suck

doublen: that was sadistic of you to rain on their beautiful parade alex

thebestlane: boooooooo alex boooo

kittyg: you’re burn could have been better timed Director

winnsdom: im not crying you are

daddyv: even i think that was fucked up Alex

gaydanvers: it’s Director to you Vasquez and you’re fired

lildanvers: Vasquez I’ll hire you back

lildanvers: ...as my personal bitch

daddyv: i hate my life

llbean: i appreciate the support guys but Alex is right

llbean: i have to be brave every night to get railed by the girl of steel 

llbean: i could literally die from the orgasms Kara gives me but i face it head on

llbean: and by head on i mean my head on that pussy of steel 

lildanvers: i love you

gaydanvers: i hate you both

gaydanvers: so much

samariass: so does this mean Lena is a Gryffindor?

doublen: brainy can’t you calculate the odds and tell us who is right

brainalicious: I can 

maggic: … so … what is she brainy??? the suspense is killing me

brainalicious: statistically speaking Lena is a rarity. she is exactly 25% Ravenclaw 25% Hufflepuff 25% Slytherin and 25% Gryffindor 

thebestlane: that literally doesn’t solve anything brainy

winnsdom: so technically we were all right : )

brainalicious: incorrect winslow, you are technically all wrong since she falls into no house alone

daddyv: lena can you just pick a house so we can be done with this convo

lildanvers: dont tell my wife what to do vasquez! 

lildanvers: Alex can you hire her back to fire her again

gaydanvers: welcome back to the DEO Agent Vasquez

gaydanvers: oh and you’re fired

lildanvers: thanks alex :)

maggic: but really Luthor what house are you gonna choose

samariass: yeah i need to know where your hogwarts allegiance lies

llbean: mmmm

lilbean: i choose all houses

winnsdom: wtf you can’t do that

llbean: im a Luthor i can do what i want

lldanvers: yeah Winn she’s a Danvers too she can do what she wants

llbean: Kara…

lildanvers: yes Mrs. Danvers?

llbean: its Luthor-Danvers remember? 

lildanvers: i supported your hogwarts choice, why cant you support me calling you that also?

llbean: bc it’s not my name anymore…

llbean: just like your name is now Luthor-Danvers too

lildanvers: i will throw hands at you again

llbean: well i can think of a better place for those hands ;)

gaydanvers: you know what i dont care about any part of this conversation anymore 

gaydanvers: just get me out of this fucking car

llbean: maggie

maggic: on it 

gaydanvers: don’t do it mags

maggic: do what?

gaydanvers: you know what.

gaydanvers: …

maggic: alright she should be good now

gaydanvers: im sorry lena for being mean to you

samariass: wait what just happened

llbean: whenever maggie scratches alex on the head she calms down immediately

lildanvers: and they call me the puppy

llbean: darling you are literally a human golden retriever

lildanvers: everyone loves dogs

llbean: i prefer cats

thebestlane: what kind?

gaydanvers: …

maggic: …

samariass: …

llbean: tell me she didn’t just ask that

thebestlane: i was kidding

thebestlane: i prefer Cats too ;)

kittyg: god you had me worried there for a sec Luce

kittyg: especially since you like this kitty so much

llbean: gross

lildanvers: ^ what the wife said 

gaydanvers: okay hold on everyone 

gaydanvers: why have we stopped

samariass: i love you guys but i cannot be spending this much time with you all

daddyv: agreed

llbean: ill go check

llbean: kara keep them entertained

lildanvers: yes ma’am

lildanvers: so…

maggic: …

gaydanvers: …

daddyv: …

lildanvers: how bout that weather?

thebestlane: lame kara

kittyg: luce and i are even’t there and we can hear the crickets

lildanvers: you try keeping four hoes entertained!

gaydanvers: hoes? 

maggic: i at least thought we were whores by now

daddyv: assholes?

samariass: what about dipshits?

gaydanvers: oh wait, we are all of those things because kara never seems to call us by our real names

lildanvers: that’s a lie! I call you guys your names all the time

daddyv: calling me susan doesn’t count when you use it in the context of roasting me like im a 40 year old suburban mom

lildanvers: i mean with the way you dress who wouldn’t confuse you for the aging sidelined soccer divorcee cheering on her kid who plays nothing but left bench

daddyv: this is not entertainment

lildanvers: it’s entertaining for me and that’s pretty much what Lena asked me to do

maggic: well what about me Kara? 

lildanvers: what about you sister-in-law who never does anything but complain that Alex is not home enough for you to fuck?

maggic: i dont do that!

lildanvers: no what you’re not doing is Alex… because she’s never home… and you. complain. about. it. 

maggic: who pissed in your cornflakes this morning? i haven’t been roasted like this by you since before Alex and I were engaged

lildanvers: whatever who’s next?

samariass: go on Kara. give it your best. you have nothing to roast me on.

lildanvers: exactly. you do nothing. you don’t get laid and you don’t come out with us unless there’s a chance Vasquez joins us

samariass: wow

samariass: that was… astoundingly and horrifyingly beautiful

gaydanvers: least i know kara isn’t going to roast me

lildanvers: you are right because you are an angel and have done nothing wrong in your life

lildanvers: oh wait no… that’s Lena… therefore im about to roast your ass so hard your face is going to be as red as your hair

llbean: i was gone for five minutes kara

llbean: FIVE

llbean: and you managed to…

llbean: ...support me like the good wife i know that you are

maggic: wow i really thought she was going to chastise her but no

maggic: she just looks the other way

llbean: nah im just fucking with you guys

llbean: kara be nicer to everyone please

llbean: we’re still gonna be with them for a bit longer

gaydanvers: im sorry wUT

llbean: flat tire

llbean: so everyone out of the fucking car

samariass: no no no this is not happening

llbean: on the bright side

llbean: there’s a beach down there

gaydanvers: no the bright side is me exiting the car into the scorching sun where i will burn

llbean: im just as pale as you

llbean: we’ll be fine

llbean: asses out of the seats please

lildanvers: does anyone have anything to eat

llbean: i do ;)

lildanvers: NO LENA I WANT FOOD

llbean: and i want to get home because i promised you a good rail but looks like neither of us are getting what we want

lildanvers: hmph

gaydanvers: why don’t you go into the water to take your mind off your hunger Kara

lildanvers: why would i do that when im already wet

thebestlane: what is she talking about

llbean: fuck

gaydanvers: the filth is imminent at this point

thebestlane: wait…

thebestlane: kara are you serious how did you get wet just from Lena telling you she wanted to rail you again?

lildanvers: you’re telling me if Cat asked to rail you into a bed so hard your hamstrings would snap, that you wouldn’t immediately drip?

thebestlane: well i don’t know she usually doesn’t ask, she just does

kittyg: show don’t tell Kara

lildanvers: yeah you learned that from the best

kittyg: and is that supposed to be you?

lildanvers: alright if you don’t agree, let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

kittyg: do not bring up the story that i think you’re going to bring up

lildanvers: when i was the young assistant to a one, Cat Grant

lildanvers: i was tasked with coming along on her shopping excursions

kittyg: Kara do not tell this story

lildanvers: and one day, she decided to go into a lingerie store

kittyg: no one knows this story but you and I, Kara

kittyg: why can’t we keep it that way?

lildanvers: because you know that the only reason you don’t want me to tell it

lildanvers: is because of how much of a bottom you were

kittyg: i was younger then!

lildanvers: this was literally only a few years ago

lildanvers: anyways we go into said store and Cat, being the pussy that she is

thebestlane: nice play on words

lildanvers: was too scared to ask the clerk for help on how to get one of the pieces on

lildanvers: so she asked me instead 

kittyg: yeh yeh and long story short kara helped me get it on

lildanvers: well we almost go it on ;)

llbean: WhAt?!

lildanvers: kidding

lildanvers: but Cat did get worked up from my hands being all over her body apparently

kittyg: and Kara seemed to be fine throughout the whole thing

lildanvers: sorry i knew Lena then

lildanvers: soon as i saw her i was hooked

lildanvers: so not a single soul could have my attention but her

llbean: awh i was hooked too

llbean: or rather lassoed in 

llbean: you have a rather strong pull Miss Danvers

lildanvers: its Mrs. Luthor-Danvers to you ma’am

llbean: ah and who’s the lucky lady who has your heart?

lildanvers: id say it was stolen by her

lildanvers: quite the thief that one

lildanvers: took all my affections too

llbean: guess you should consider yourself lucky then

gaydanvers: what kind of yeehaw shit is this

maggic: why do you insist on ruining all their sweet moments tonight

daddyv: its a crime against everything everywhere

gaydanvers: shut up Vasquez or im not rehiring you

daddyv: oh shit you weren’t joking?

gaydanvers: WE HAVE GONE OVER THIS

gaydanvers: I DO NOT JOKE WITH YOU SUSAN

daddyv: damn enough with the susan today but please Director i want my job back

llbean: guys the car is ready

gaydanvers: okay fine rehired but only because we’re finally getting out of here

daddyv: thank God

gaydanvers: no thank Danvers

daddyv: this is a fucked up world we live in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for that long note at the beginning. im fine. also to my girlfriend only, you're welcome for that yeehaw shit ;) because i know you love it so much


	36. A Week Without Kara And We All Get Laid More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright guys so here's the rundown. lots has happened in the last two months and that's why i took a break from writing but after a stint in the hospital, a kick in the ass, and the right meds i am no longer depressed and lacking the motivation to give you guys supercorp. however, that being said, this is a short chapter because im doing a revamp. new usernames and new format is the hope for this. but if any of you have any username suggestions just let me know. also could be getting rid of some people and adding people as well. kelly olsen deserves to be here for sure. okay im done rambling. expect some of my other fics to be posted later tonight or tomorrow.

lildanvers: guys it has been too long since we have last used the groupchat

llbean: disagree

samariass: disagree

gaydanvers: disagree

thebestlane: disagree

lildanvers: if one more person says disagree ill yeet everyone into the sun

llbean: kara its been a week of peace 

gaydanvers: yeh with all the time not wasted on messaging you whackjobs

gaydanvers: i get laid wayyy more

samariass: i think we’ve all gotten laid more

lildanvers: facts 

lildanvers: but stilllllll

lildanvers: i miss this

llbean: quit being so whiny Kara

lildanvers: quit being a workaholic Lena

llbean: -_-

lildanvers: -_-

gaydanvers: you two can go be weird elsewhere

gaydanvers: i think we all still want to continue this bliss and forget everything that happened last week after we got home

maggic: everyone in favor of putting this on silent for awhile?

thebestlane: definitely

kittyg: without a doubt

samariass: no complaints here

llbean: sorry Kara im with maggie

gaydanvers: yep my wife knows what we need

daddyv: finally some good news

gaydanvers: hey here’s some more good news for you vasquez

daddyv: do i… do i want to know

gaydanvers: you’re being promoted

daddyv: i am?!

gaydanvers: yes ma’am

daddyv: wow i think the absence of this group chat in my life has really turned things around for me

lildanvers: lena and i were role playing the other day and all she did was promote me from general to major pain in the ass after i left a massive hickey on her neck and she had to go to a board meeting in a few hours 

llbean: i made her sleep on the couch with the puppy for two nights

maggic: im sorry… puppy?

lildanvers: yeh we have a dog now

llbean: his name is Georgie

gaydanvers: when the fuck did you guys get a puppy

lildanvers: well you guys would know if you actually picked up your phones

kittyg: in all fairness

kittyg: its been quite calming without your shenanigans

lildanvers: iTs bEeN qUitE caLMiNg wIThoUt yOuR shEnaNIgaNs

kittyg: this is the child i raised

llbean: wow

llbean: this is the child i married

samariass: who cares

samariass: i wanna know what else we have missed

llbean: i mean not much really

lildanvers: we both finally sold and moved out of our apartments

llbean: now we live at the midpoint between the DEO and L-Corp

lildanvers: obviously we have Georgie now

llbean: hmmm

llbean: babe what else?

lildanvers: well i work from home now thanks to Lena 

llbean: im just the boss everywhere i go babe

lildanvers: yeah sure princess

llbean: fuck you Kara

lildanvers: no but ill fuck YOU later

lildanvers: ;)

llbean has left the group

gaydanvers: honestly im following suit

gaydanvers has left the group

maggic: if the wife is gone, im gone

maggic has left the group

samariass has left the group

daddyv has left the group

thebestlane has left the group

kittyg: sorry kiera i think we need a break

kittyg has left the group

lildanvers: ... well not if i have anything to do about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: StormiJ
> 
> Also, sorry that this chapter is not funny whatsoever, its honestly just to transtion into the next one
> 
> Let me know if you guys think of anything else I can do to bring a new light to the group chat next chapter.


	37. The Great Cleanse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I know I know. This chapter took 47 years but in all fairness.... life is unfair ;) and i write when i want
> 
> Enjoy dipshits <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone has a hard time figuring out the usernames lemme know

 

**SuperTop:** alright listen here fuckers

 

**SuperTop:** im sick of your shit

 

**SuperTop:** so hop on the new and improved group chat or get out

 

**ReignOnYourParade:** kara we all left the last group chat because we wanted out

 

**ReignOnYourParade:** so how is this one going to make us want to stay 

 

**SuperTop:** well as you can see I changed everyone’s usernames, upgraded our server, and i’ve refrained from any sexual jokes thus far

 

**JuicyLucy:** yeah because Lena’s not here yet

 

**SuperTop:** …

 

**SuperTop:** … i have self-control

 

**JuicyLucy:** sure and i’m not short

 

**DreamOn:** can we stop the fighting already

 

**DreamOn:** how did that only take five seconds?

 

**L-Corpse:** that’s what she said

 

**ReignOnMyParade:** classic

 

**SuperTop:** Lena!

 

**L-Corpse:** hey babe

 

**SuperTop:** umm no that wasn’t me shouting your name in glee

 

**L-Corpse:** oh…

 

**SuperTop:** you changed your username!

 

**L-Corpse:** oh i know

 

**SuperTop:** but why

 

**L-Corpse:** because the other one didn’t convey that I was dead inside

 

**SuperTop:** Lena!

 

**L-Corpse:** im guessing that one’s not being shouted in glee either

 

**SuperTop:** you’re my wife and I can’t let you be this way

 

**MaggieRights:** here we go again with the wife shit

 

**SuperTop:** Maggie!

 

**MaggieRights:** hey little d

 

**SuperTop:** it’s nine inches, not that little

 

**MaggieRights:** i regret letting my presence be known

 

**L-Corpse:** smh can’t believe she got the happy greeting

 

**L-Corpse:** but i won’t complain since those are my nine inches

 

**DreamOn:** wait hold on I don’t get Aunt Maggie’s username

 

**SuperTop:** it’s like your Miranda rights

 

**SuperTop:** you know everything you say will be held against you

 

**MaggieRights:** except your Maggie rights include having the right to come too

 

**DirectorDanvers:** such a generous top

 

**SuperTop:** Alex!

 

**L-Corpse:** seriously? 

 

**L-Corpse:** everyone but me?

 

**SuperTop:** relax she’s getting reprimanded too

 

**DirectorDanvers:** i just got here and you’re already trying me

 

**SuperTop:** shouldn’t have changed your username

 

**DirectorDanvers:** the other one was horrible

 

**SuperTop:** it was creative

 

**DirectorDanvers:** wanna know what’s creative?

 

**SuperTop:** no

 

**DirectorDanvers:** me finding a way to shove my foot up your Kryptonian ass

 

**SuperTop:** ya know what on second thought i love it

 

**DirectorDanvers:** that’s what I thought

 

**SuperTop:** but Lena sorry im not letting you keep yours

 

**SuperTop:** it’s too depressing

 

**SuperTop** has changed  **L-Corpse** to  **SuperBottom**

 

**SuperBottom:** i hate you

 

**FiredThenHired:** if you think your username’s bad

 

**GrantsYourWishes:** least yours isn’t some tacky play on words, Susan

 

**JuicyLucy:** mine is kinda growing on me

 

**TheOnlyBraincell:** mine doesn’t even make sense

 

**MaggieRights:** yes it does

 

**DirectorDanvers:** yes it does

 

**DreamOn:** yes it does

 

**SuperTop:** we need therapy

 

**DirectorDanvers:** GUYS THAT REMINDS ME

 

**DirectorDanvers** : lemme add ***** sister to the group

 

**DreamOn** : who?

 

**MaggieRights** : babe you do know that we can’t see the name

 

**SuperTop** : lmao 

 

**DirectorDanvers** : Kara what did you do

 

**SuperBottom** : she blocked J a m e s name from being put in the chat

 

**ReignOnMyParade** : classic

 

**JuicyLucy** : oh so Kelly is being added then?

 

**GrantsYourWishes** : relax Lucy you said you two were on good terms

 

**JuicyLucy** : i may have lied a little

 

**GrantsYourWishes** : how much is a little

 

**JuicyLucy** : Kelly totally hates me for breaking ***** heart

 

**DirectorDanvers** : okay so i respect you Luc but im adding her for a potential show

 

**MirandaRights** : love a good show

 

**SuperTop** : OH MY GOD I FORGOT WINN

 

**SuperTop** has added **Winnsical**

 

**Supertop** : welcome you whimsical bitch

 

**Winnsical** : did you forget to add me to the new group chat… ya know the one i helped set up

 

**SuperTop** : …

 

**SuperTop** : Lena’s titties distracted me

 

**SuperBottom** has changed their name to **L-Corpse**

 

**L-Corpse** has changed **SuperTop** to **Danversion**

 

**L-Corpse** : like diversion

 

**L-Corpse** : because you’re a lying little shit

 

**Danversion** : you’re a little shit

 

**L-Corpse** : no you

 

**Danversion** : no you

 

**ReignOnMyParade** : wow i didnt know this group chat started at 5+ and not 18+

 

**DirectorDanvers** : this is why we need therapy

 

**Danversion** has changed their name to **Danvorced**

 

**Danvorced** : take that 

 

**L-Corpse** : oh i already take that willingly every night

 

**L-Corpse** has changed their name to **LuThor**

 

**Danvorced** : damn she’s so cool

 

**LuThor** : i know i am

 

**Danvorced** has changed their name to **Damolished**

 

**MaggieRights** : what just happened

 

**JuicyLucy** : idk but Lena has a nice name sooo

 

**DreamOn** : Alex please bring in Kelly

 

**FiredThenHired** : i agree

 

**Damolished** : no one asked you Squez

 

**Damolished** has changed **FiredThenHired** to **Squez**

 

**TheOnlyBraincell** : did anyone else read that as squeegee

 

**ReignOnYourParade** : *cough* embarrassing *cough*

 

**Squez** : wow 

 

**Squez** : even brainy has turned on me

 

**Squez** : winn is the only one left

 

**Winnsicle** has changed **Squez** to **Squeegee**

 

**Squeegee** : goddammit

 

**MirandaRights** : yeh i see why we need a therapist now

 

**Damolished** : bring her in Director

 

**LuThor** :  ^ what the wife said

 

**DirectorDanvers** : guys

 

**ReignOnYourParade** : what

 

**JuicyLucy** : wat

 

**DreamOn** : wt

 

**LuThor** : w

 

**DirectorDanvers** : the Great Cleanse is coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> promise i wont wait so long for the next chapter

**Author's Note:**

> oh yeh and here are the usernames
> 
> littledanvers- Kara  
> gaydanvers- Alex  
> maggic- Maggie  
> llbean- Lena  
> winnsdom- Winn  
> jolsen- James  
> samariass- Sam  
> thebestlane- Lucy  
> saturnup- Imra  
> brainalicious- Brainy  
> psichic- Psi  
> doublen- Nia  
> daddyv- Vasquez  
> kittyg- Cat
> 
> I'll add Clark, Lois, J'onn, Eliza, and others later :)


End file.
